what to say when you’ve nothing to say

despite the horrors of my brief and ill-advised venture into the netherworlds of fake “catholic” mommyblogging, my experience was not all bad, since there were a few blogging tips and tricks i picked up along the way.

for instance, did you know that not having anything to say has never, not even once, stopped a fake catholic mommyblogger from blogging? obviously, this revelation was huge for me, given the recent ebb of my indignant rage and the writing block that had resulted.

what does blog about when one has nothing to blog about? well i’ll tell you.

one option is food. you don’t even need to have ever made the recipe yourself, let alone to have been the one to come up with it. all you really need to do is cut and paste a recipe from some other website and say how amazing it looks. then all of your followers will start commenting on how amazing it looks. and no one will ever make it. seriously. this is pretty much the entire idea behind this absurd food pornography site called “pintrest.”

now i’m not one for deceit, so i don’t believe in posting recipes i haven’t actually made. the problem is that i don’t really ever make food. at least nothing other than mac and cheese, spaghettiOs, and  ramen noodles.

i think pork flavor is best, since it serves as a reminder that the mosaic covenant has been entirely revoked (h/t Robert Sungenis)

having ruled out food, one can always move on to plan b: “pics” of one’s kids. this is of limited value to me, since i have no offspring of my own, nor does the arrival of any appear to be immanent.

if i ever have kids, they will probably look like this.

ah, shots of the youngsters… if there is anything that i learned about the fake catholic mommyblogging world besides its unthinking, undying, and undead devotion to “style, sex, and substance,” it’s that every single one of these bloggers fancies herself an amateur photographer and feels completely justified in using her progeny as unwilling subjects.

as if further proof was needed: real catholics don’t celebrate halloween

i’m not usually one for photographic exploitation, but what the hey, in lieu of any pictures of my own non-existent kids, here’s a shot of Murphy on the day i met him, when he was just two weeks old:

adorable, yes, but still entirely unchurched…

now if that doesn’t melt your heart i just don’t know what will.

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One Response to “what to say when you’ve nothing to say”

  1. […] a significant other, because it often seems from your posts that you hate women, especially women bloggers; aren’t you kind of […]

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