i try to be friendly to everyone i meet. i always pipe up with my opinion when other people are talking, because i think conversation is great. sometimes i just like hearing myself give opinions, because it’s the best way to learn how i feel about a given topic. i dunno, i guess i’m just a real character.
anyway, i was sitting in my front yard working on my flower bed (yes, i have a green thumb!) when the mailman stopped by with the usual assortment of junk and bills. i figured i’d take a break and chat for a sec and, being hospitable and friendly, i offered to get him a glass of water or perhaps share the rest of my sandwich from lunch. when he politely declined, i said that i thought declining invitations was rude and that perhaps i wouldn’t chat with him anymore when he came by on his route.
i was worried that maybe he would take offense at my boldness and perhaps start accidentally “losing” my tvguide, but instead he smiled and said that he couldn’t take any food or water right then, because he was observing ramadan.
fine and good, you might say, he’s just trying to obey the rules of his religion and be a good muslim. and that’s what i thought, too. but then i remembered that my friend Turk Sorensen has a chipmunk who’s muslim, and that he didn’t have a problem having a snack with me just two days before, right in the middle of the daytime.
so i said, “hey jack, it isn’t ramadan right now, and you’re not a real muslim! it’s people like you that give religion a bad name!”
and then he said, menacingly i might add, “it would be a shame for you to stop getting those bed, bath, and beyond catalogues that you like so much.”
and then i didn’t know what to say. like i said, it was really awkward.