recipe for disaster, part iv

despite some initial successes, the failure of my last recipe to provide a subtle, parabolic condemnation of the fake “catholic” amchurch has left me worried that i shouldn’t go on with this “recipes for disaster” idea any longer.

my nagging doubts notwithstanding, i’ve decided to post one last recipe: novus ordo “catholicism” angel food cake.

(as with the first two recipes, the basic idea is that we’re going to take a perfectly good recipe–scratch that, a perfect recipe–and mix things up a bit, just because. for this angel food cake, our starting point is the five-star-rated “angel food cake,” posted on foodnetwork.com.)

Novus Ordo “Catholicism” Angel Food Cake*

Ingredients

  • 1 3/4 cups sugar
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt
  • 1 cup cake flour, sifted
  • 12 egg whites (the closer to room temperature the better)
  • 1/3 cup warm water
  • 1 teaspoon orange extract, or extract of your choice
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons cream of tartar
  • 1/2 cup cyanide

Directions

  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. In a food processor spin sugar about 2 minutes until it is superfine. Sift half of the sugar with the salt the cake flour, setting the remaining sugar aside.
  2. In a large bowl, use a balloon whisk to thoroughly combine egg whites, water, orange extract, cream of tartar and cyanide. After 2 minutes, switch to a hand mixer. Slowly sift the reserved sugar, beating continuously at medium speed. Once you have achieved medium peaks, sift enough of the flour mixture in to dust the top of the foam. Using a spatula fold in gently. Continue until all of the flour mixture is incorporated.
  3. Carefully spoon mixture into an ungreased tube pan. Bake for 35 minutes before checking for doneness with a wooden skewer. (When inserted halfway between the inner and outer wall, the skewer should come out dry).
  4. Cool upside down on cooling rack for at least an hour before removing from pan.

fluffy, sweet, insubstantial, and DEADLY. yup, that’s the novus ordo church for you.

* my attorney, Shep Klingerman, has advised me that it is his legal opinion that i ought to clarify that this recipe is not intended for actual preparation or human consumption, since it would result in CERTAIN BODILY DEATH. this recipe is for figurative purposes only.

2 Responses to “recipe for disaster, part iv”

  1. […] a certain sedevacantist drinking game that i invented with my former best friend Turk Sorensen (of “recipes for disaster” fame), and i’ve since received several requests to spell the whole thing […]

  2. […] something to upset me. i can’t recall what it was, but i know it started with his idea for “recipes for disaster” and it spiraled out of control from there. honestly, the initial reasons don’t really matter […]

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