ok, i’ve consulted with Murphy and my neighbor Lou Genovese, and they both agreed that news of this magnitude shouldn’t wait.
on saturday morning, i received an email supposedly sent by his holiness, pope michael i, in which he explained that the offer of the cardinalate i received a week or so ago was, wait for it, a JOKE. here’s what the email said:
Ad Troglodytarum II,
Hoc est vere inconvenientia. Quorum notitiam recevied delegavit cardinalatus non serio, sed ioco tamen. Nos et mater, Tickie, modo reversus a communione vinum gustu, ambo putabat esset ridiculam si tibi a cardinalatus ut a “merces” enim incremento in site negotiationis. (Gratias agimus tibi pro omnibus per viam). Lorem derisum jam ostendi vobis, postulat ut omnino mentionem apostoliciter cardinalatus nominationis a dui internets cum tota ratio facit nos oculos satis inepta.
Papa Michael I
since my good friend Turk Sorensen and i aren’t really speaking at the moment, i had to use google translate to determine what the message says, and it doesn’t look good. not only does it give me the bad news that i’m not really being made a cardinal, but also by all appearances it seems that pope michael and his mother, Tickie, have made themselves heretics through the playing of a joke.
i’m trying to figure out if either or both of these messages have actually come from his holiness. although the email address is the same, the ip addresses are different, so i’m hoping that this most recent email is just a ruse by an enemy of the true church to make us look foolish.
real catholics don’t laugh. it’s just that simple.
i don’t want to jump the gun here, but you may want to dust off your sedevacante tin foil party hats (and mantillas), just in case.
i’ll be posting updates as they become available.