news round-up

due to some legal issues, i’ve been keeping rather mum on the whole “pope” michael / david bawden joking fiasco (see posts here, here, and here).

however, my attorney, Shep Klingerman, has recently assured me that bawden has no grounds for his suits against me for libel or slander or sexual harrassment (as if!), so i’m going to go ahead and update everyone on what’s been happening in this matter and in every other area of my life as well.

  • it’s since come out that bawden’s so-called “ordination” was actually performed by a schismatic heretic “old catholic,” who believes that women should be ordained. (i bet the jokesters at ncr love that).
  • i didn’t know this at the time, but bawden also decided that he would change the celibacy requirements for holy orders, so that married people could be ordained. (right, because what we really need is our priests defiling themselves with human sexuality.)
  • i’ve learned that footage shot for the documentary film “pope michael” that ended up on the cutting room floor showed not one but TWO copies of “redneck joke” books in Bawden’s bathroom, as well as a Woody Allen book on Bawden’s nightstand, and pirated videotapes of “america’s funniest home videos” in Bawden’s living room. (absolutely heinous. and to think i ever regarded him as a serious man.)
  • although no one has yet to take me up on my offer to re-visit canon law and figure out how to get out of this mess we’re in, i remain hopeful that the light will dawn. i’m also beginning to come to terms with the reality that i may be the only living member of the true catholic church left in the entire world. amazing.
now for a round-up of everything else.

  • Murphy’s online therapy sessions have been going rather well. his violent outbursts and racist remarks are at an all time low, and he seems to be of a much sunnier disposition altogether. i am, however, a little worried about his sudden distaste for comments disparaging the jews, which seems to be an unintended side-effect of his therapy. we’ll see if this impacts Mel Gibson mondays. hopefully it does not.
  • my salsa-dancing internets girlfriend broke up with me via text-message this past weekend– something about feeling uncomfortable with being mentioned on the blog and not liking my paranoid delusions and having greater aspirations than living in a basement in des moines. whatever, who needs her. i wasn’t really interested in having a conjugal relationship with her anyway, seeing as how gross those tend to be. i was just in it for the dancing (kat was fantastic at salsa, believe you me), and in any case, there’s a sedevacantist salsa singles mingle coming up in a few weeks over in tulsa (info here), so i should be just fine on that front.
  • grannie cannarbean’s passing brought up a lot of mixed feelings that i don’t really want to talk about. i didn’t go to her silly sspx funeral and she didn’t leave me anything in her will, so i guess we’re even. i just wish things could have been different. but i don’t want to talk about it.
  • after our recent falling out, my former best friend Turk Sorensen has taken to sending me fruit baskets and notes of apology. of course, the notes are written in latin as a reminder of why i need him to be my translator. fyi: making me feel stupid isn’t going to get you on my good side, Turk. jerk. (hey that rhymes. cool.)
  • after publicly ridiculing me as either crazy or funny (the nerve!), Mark Shea has gone ahead and filed a restraining order against me. (funny how you never mentioned that on your blog, Mark.) this seems unnecessary and rather uncharitable, at least to me, but what else would you expect from Mark Shea? i’ve heard he eats children.
  • i’ve become absolutely addicted to “downton abbey.” i just keep watching the episodes over and over again. i haven’t left the apartment in four days. seriously, i need help.

in case you’ve never seen “downton,” here are some clips of the dowager countess, whose verve and caustic wit makes me think she would have made a wonderful real catholic, if only she were, you know, actually real.

and here are some clips from series two.

zing and double zing!

until next time, faithful (and not so faithful) readers.

9 Responses to “news round-up”

  1. Pilgrim Says:

    I watched the videos, but I don’t understand if that big house is surrounded by grass why they call it “Downtown Abbey.”

    I also realized if the Abbey was an advice column you could call it “Dear Abbey.”

    That is not a joke. I just said that as an observation.

    Keep fighting the good fight, troll!

  2. The Holy Father Peter II, I believe, is still in the truth. http://custodi.perso.neuf.fr/PIERREII.htm

  3. Mark P. Shea Says:

    The restraining order is only so that you don’t upset the squirrels in our yard. :) Other than that, you are welcome to anything in the fridge, assuming you will eat food we have defiled with our unclean hands.

  4. Elizabeth Anne Gill Says:

    The real Mark Shea would also not use emoticons. Although the fact that he put P. there is suspect….

  5. […] Murphy supposedly finished his therapy sessions and sensitivity training courses yesterday […]

  6. […] as noted before, despite always being right about everything, i have yet to find any lasting success in the romance department. […]

  7. […] when i first started this thing, when i was still seeing you-know-who, i thought that maybe i’d be able to rig some sort of upset and score a 2012 Cannonball […]

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