7 quick takes: week in review

“oh, were you expecting somebody else?

a certain someone may have had to run to the store to pick up a pregnancy test, so it looks like you’re stuck with me instead. we could just sit here in awkward silence, but i’m gonna jump right in there and tell you all about my week, ok?


1. i’ve already mentioned making up with my best friend Turk Sorensen. and things seem to be going better than before with Murphy. i don’t want to jinx it by talking about it though. we’ll see how this next week shapes up.

Murphy may have been introduced to a potentially special someone at the park on monday morning


2. yesterday, as part of his effort to get things “back to normal,” Turk once again started emailing me links to everything that he happens to find on the internets, among which was a video purportedly proving that presidential candidate Mitt Romney is actually catholic. sure enough, good ol’ Mitt admitted as much in the video, but then i saw where the video was posted and it dawned on me that he’s using “catholic” just as loosely as the hippy-dippy novus ordo crowd. fakes, all of them.


3. speaking of mormons, i was visited not once but twice this week by two strange but friendly “elders.” while i would normally follow my gran’s example and forcibly get rid of them, i decided on the second time to invite them in (i guess i’m just in a peaceable mood this week). a whole lot was said, and frankly some of it sounded pretty crazy, but i was shocked and rather pleasantly surprised to hear about their ideas concerning a great apostasy of the church. i just wanted to embrace them and i was all like, “sedevacantists don’t shake hands, sedevacantists gotta hug.”

elders beerman (l) and berry (r)

as it turns out, they’re not really sedevacantists, nor are they permitted by their religion to give or receive hugs. apparently i still have a lot to learn about these neat freaks.


4. using the google, i was able to piece together a bit more information about mormonism. probably the best resource that i was able to locate was a mormon children’s cartoon that explained the story of mormonism’s founder, Joseph Smith, in song. since stupid wordpress doesn’t seem to want to let me embed flash videos, you’ll need to click out to see it. the video can be found HERE.

“i’ve got a golden ticket, i mean plates!”

(is it just me, or does that one boy’s dad look an awful lot like Pat Madrid?)


5. honestly, i don’t care if he is a sedevacantist, i’m still not voting for Mitt. maybe i’m foolish to think that Mel Gibson would make a good president, but you have to admit that it’s still a great idea compared to Mark Shea, who is voting for a cat. Murphy is furious about this, as he should be.



6. i got wind on tuesday of the possibility of going to confession. as i’m sure you know, there simply aren’t many priests who have been properly ordained and who haven’t apostatized, and despite my admiration for all the fine work that the dimond brothers do, i simply cannot follow their lax approach to sacramental confession. honestly, it’s been so long since i’ve been that i can barely even remember how it goes. does anyone out there have a good REALcatholic examination of conscience, or even just a rigidly traditionalist one? if not, i might just have to come up with one myself…


7. in news entirely unrelated, it seems that after Simcha’s post last friday [WARNING: DO NOT CLICK IF YOU ARE SCARED OF BREASTS], the register threatened to fire her and playboy magazine swooped in with a job offer. after the dust settled and everyone realized that no one except Steve Kellmeyer had gotten offended, everything went back to normal.

“I was offended, too, you know, because there were pictures of, pictures of–I’m not sure if I can say this on the air–but pictures of naked women. And I was just so upset that I called up the register and I, and I… uh, Jim, are you paying any attention to what I’m saying right now?”


for other, less interesting takes, click away.


6 Responses to “7 quick takes: week in review”

  1. “sedevacantists don’t shake hands, sedevacantists gotta hug.”
    I can only imagine their faces if you had really said that. It would probably go over as well as the time my aunt offered two of them brewskis.

  2. Mormons can’t hug? Another reason I’m happy to be Catholic. (notice the big C)

  3. thejerkdoesnotlikeyou@gmail.com Says:

    How come your IP address links to Keene NH? I traced it to a specific address, but I’m not sure if it is accurate. The stunt of spoofing Simcha’s blog on Conversion Diary was not cool.

    • well, why don’t you stop by and we can have a drink and talk about it? what’s your poison? (if you say manischewitz, i rescind the invitation.)

  4. […] i keep receiving confusing emails from The Jerk, who is seeming increasingly unstable. death threats one minute and sobbing apologies the next. […]

  5. […] there was a brief flirtation with Mitt Romney, based largely on his Mormon brand of sedevacantism, i just couldn’t bring myself to vote for him. but then, i saw that Mark Shea wasn’t […]

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