crucify him! crucify him!

since i first saw the story break on the blog of those goofballs over at the national catholic reporter, i was inclined to dismiss it as just another prank, but when i saw that legit web portals like “patheos” were reporting on the “Fr.” Benedict Groeschel scandal, i knew that it was legit, “like, totes for reals,” as the teenage daughters of my best friend, Turk Sorensen, might say.


1. i would link to the full interview, since i’m sure it’s truly horrific, but thankfully the national catholic register has taken it down, so that all we’re left with is the same stomach-churning meme that “Fr.” Groeschel blames victims, excuses abusers, and defends pedophilia. s-i-c-k, sick. (btw, for those who are maybe a little bit confused, the register is an entirely different “ncr” than the reporter, and not nearly as dangerously funny.)

“We speak the truth to power, when it suits us.”


2. i’m just gonna throw this out there, but for the first time in a long while i am actually really quite proud of fake “catholics,” since a whole lot of them are calling “Fr.” Groeschel to the woodshed on this. as “deacon’s bench” blogger Greg Kandra has so carefully chronicled, not only has the fake “catholic” blogosphere condemned Groeschel and his remarks, but so too have the national catholic registerthe archdiocese of new york, and Groeschel’s own hippy religious order. seriously folks, the self-righteous anger of all the critics is just awesome to behold (and you know how i loves me some self-righteous anger).


3. although i’m not entirely sure what Groeschel has done to merit the opprobrium he’s receiving right now, it wouldn’t surprise me if it was absolutely disgusting. Groeschel is a man absolutely committed to the fake “catholic” church, now supposedly led by “pope” benedict xvi (hmm, same name, same tradition-destroying m.o.).

all the work that he has done over the years to build up the novus ordo sham-church by caring for the poor (supposedly), giving talks, helping psychologically wounded people, including priests, founding a new religious order, and so much more–all of this shows how much Groeschel is actually a pawn of the evil one, sent to war against the real faith through the spreading of confusion by a life of humility and charity.

come to think of it, i once started an internets rumor that Groeschel was a nazi sympathizer and that he eats fetuses for breakfast and that he is himself a notorious abuser, and frankly, now i’m inclined to believe it.

“Oh dear, I can’t eat this one, they get much too tough and stringy after the second trimester,” I imagine Groeschel saying disappointedly, and evilly.


4. i don’t know about you, but it just feels good to see someone so despicable getting nailed by those who’ve been able to stay clean and remain above the fray. when allegations arose concerning “Fr.” Maciel, the then-legionary-owned national catholic register pulled no punches in its tireless investigation. and i’m pretty sure that the archdiocese of new york is one of the only diocese in the country to have had zero, yes ZERO, claims of abuse over the past few decades. obviously, Groeschel’s own CFRs can’t be too clean, since they were founded by Groeschel himself, but at least they’re trying to make good by kicking him while he’s down.


5. speaking of which, it can’t be easy throwing your founder under the bus like that, especially when you know he’s already survived being hit by a bus before. thankfully, the CFRs addressed this head-on, or at least their PR guys did, chalking up Groeschel’s comments to the ramblings of an old buffoon whose head just hasn’t been what it was since the accident. i myself can relate, since my father was a constant embarrassment to me when he got older. always having trouble swallowing and complaining about how no one changes him. honestly, i despised him in his old age, and i’m glad to see these guys doing pretty much the same thing.

feeling lonely? you’re probably just old and useless and pathetic, like my dad was before he died


6. of course, not everyone is piling on the frothing anger train. the always lame and lamely compassionate Terry at “abbey roads” has leapt to Groeschel’s defense, my former squeeze Katrina is also showing her support, and the despicable Mark Shea is at least sorta ambiguous in his prayer for him. (maybe someone can help me here, but i can’t follow Terry’s argument for the life of me. there are just so many shades of gray and all i’m used to is thinking in over-simplified terms of black and white, like everyone else in this imbroglio.)


7. finally, getting back to the CFRs, how do we really know that Groeschel isn’t actually right in the head? what if he meant what he said? even worse, what if what he said actually makes sense, and is right in its own way, but just wasn’t properly qualified or explained in the course of the interview? what if he’s actually counseled abusers and abused alike, and he knows what he’s talking about, even if he’s not expressing it in a way appropriate for a sound-bite? what if we read his remarks assuming the best of intentions?

nah, i’m not interested in doing that either, it’s easier just to scream him down for saying something that doesn’t fit our usual narrative. of course, maybe he’ll just die of a broken heart like Joe Paterno (another useless old guy) and we’ll be able to move on to his damnatio memoriae post haste. how i do love to speak ill of the dead.

what a goldbricker. this guy freakin’ walks, i’ve never been more certain of anything in my life.


oh yeah, and for takes not on this subject, wag the clicky-click here.


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