and i’m back…

miss me?

whew! for a minute there, i didn’t think i’d make it.

what? don’t pretend that you didn’t noticed that i hadn’t posted anything in nearly a month.

a month exactly, to be precise. the perfect length of time for a blogging strike designed to bring your oppressors and opponents to their knees.

yes, it is with great pleasure that i announce tonight my well-deserved victory over so-called “catholic” techno-blogger extraordinaire Brandon Vogt (pronounced by irritatingly clearing your throat). he has his own tld, doncha know.

whoops, i said “Vogt” one too many times and ended up with a handful of phlegm. ew.

oh, you didn’t realize that i was post-striking in protest of his tyranny and discrimination? yes, well, by the time i realized that i needed to publicize my beef with Brandon, i was already on day 4 of the month-long strike. i asked Murphy to post something for me, but he said that it went against the spirit of our protest. also, he doesn’t know how to type.

so anyway, the whole fiasco got started back in august, when Brandon rebooted his “support a [fake]’catholic’ speaker month” and asked for fellow catholic bloggers to contribute by providing profiles of the speakers that he had listed. seeing as how i am not only a blogger in good standing, but a notoriously REAL catholic as well, i decided that i should contribute an appropriately scathing profile of one of the speakers.

which speaker, you ask? why Mark Shea, of course.

Brandon the bigot said “no.” rats. well, what about Scott Hahn? nope. “Fr.” Z? nada. and so on.

finally, he said that i could have “Fr.” Richard Rohr if i wanted him. fish in a barrel, i said, and besides, he’s already been covered. (or uncovered, as the case may be.)

then he offered Matthew Kelly. nah, i preferred to profile a man.

so he relented and said i could have “Sr.” Helen Prejean.

“haha, get it? cuz she looks like a dude?

yup, that Brandon’s a real wiseacre.

i could see what was happening, so i asked him, point blank, if his refusal to give me any legitimate fake “catholic” speakers to profile was because of my unflinching orthodoxy and positively backside-chapping REAL catholicity. “yes,” he admitted, “and your involvement would completely undermine the entire project.”

i screamed aloud, “THEN THIS MEANS WAR! OR AT LEAST A BLOGGING STRIKE!!” and promptly ended our chat, indignantly logging out of my WordPress account immediately thereafter.

my four-year-old nephew’s rendering of my reaction

thus began thirty long days of an arid, blogless existence, which has now thankfully come to an end.

Brandon didn’t capitulate, of course, but i’m unilaterally claiming a moral victory, as is my wont. also, i now happen to have several fantastically devastating profiles, which i hope to publish as the occasion warrants. game, set, checkmate.

yup, you just can’t keep a good troll down.


3 Responses to “and i’m back…”

  1. […] Not a Goblin, But a Troll a REALcatholic™ internet troll explains why everyone else is wrong about everything « and i’m back… […]

  2. Welcome back, troll. I missed you a lot. I was like a Shep without a sheep herd.

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