taking exercise with ssp90x

i made mention a few weeks back of a rather unfortunate traditionalist fitness venture, which a number of readers have since asked about. what they wanted to know is this: what exactly is SSP90X?

first, i want to note that it’s not so much a question of “is” anymore, but rather of “was.” whatever else it may have been, SSP90X was simply not at all successful in helping people to achieve the results it promised, and its eventual disappearance thus came as a surprise to no one.

obviously, the program didn’t work well for me at all

essentially, SSP90X was a home exercise regimen renowned for its intensity and extreme traditionalism. the program was designed to last 90 days, and it employed a variety of exercise techniques, including strength training, cardio, and plyometrics, combined with a nutrition and dietary supplement plan.

the basic idea behind the program was “muscle confusion,” which is supposed to prevent the body from adapting to the exercises over time. SSP90X succeeded in creating confusion all right, just not the kind it advertised.

“SSP90X: nothing gets you shredded like schism”

(interestingly, their promotional materials included a lot of shots of shirtless men, after the jump…)

supposed “after” shots included in SSP90X promotional matierals

the program purported to utilize the tried and true methods of such traditional fitness stalwarts as Jack LaLanne and Charles Atlas. and, in keeping with the stated aim of providing extremely traditional exercise, those following the program were always encouraged to use pre-1963 work-out instructions…

warm-up exercises from our SSP90X booklet, written in Latin of course

and diet recommendations…

thankfully, they had Latin-English facing editions of this classic text

and exercise equipment…

wooden dumbbells, just like those used by Pope St. Pius X when training for his fight against modernism

and dress…

though you can’t tell from this angle, this is actually a traditional “fiddleback” style unitard.

we were likewise told to only use gyms built according to traditional ad orientem architectural plans.

AP file photo of the $1,500 sports complex at the SSPX seminary in Econe

and of course, to incorporate the use medicine balls as much as possible.

as St. Robert Bellermine famously said, you really can’t improve on the medicine ball

on the one hand, i suppose a great deal of the failure of SSP90X can be attributed to the fact that the old equipment and outdated techniques always ended up causing serious injury.

she doesn’t know it yet, but this will not end well

believe it or not, though, SSP90X had an even bigger problem than that, namely, that pretty much everyone who used the program focused more on hating on newer exercise techniques than on actually doing (let alone mastering) the old ones.

also, many folks became fixated on various conspiracy theories about the alleged infiltration of Jewish trainers into the contemporary exercise scene.

word on the street is that the risk of Izzy Mandelbaum’s influence scared Bob Sungenis into never exercising again

for a time there were some efforts to reform the program and get it back on track, but it was all for naught. the program was soon sued by Beach Body, makers of P90X, and it was forced to shut down.

RIP SSP90X.

still from SSP90X exercise Beta tape

3 Responses to “taking exercise with ssp90x”

  1. I find the St. George curls are great for the biceps. You just lift the dragon, lift! with vigor! They make my arms look real nice when I firmly lock my hands behind my back in the communion line.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s