watch out for that right hook

the beginning of advent is one of my favorite times of the year, since it always brings the feast of St. Nicholas, heretic-puncher.

“If you want to throw down fisticuffs, fine. I’ve got Jack Johnson and Tom O’Leary waiting for ya, right here.”

sadly, since vatican ii, most so-called “catholics” have traded in their fisticuffs for hand-holding and hugs. it’s pathetic. why, i bet the average novus ordo bishop doesn’t even have a set of brass knuckles these days.

“I much prefer felt banners and non-violence, thank you very much.”


shoot, the wiseguys at NCR want women clergy? i guess you’ll have to forgive me for thinking that was already done.

as for me, my preference is for clergy in clerics and packing some heat.

“Sorry, the correct response now is ‘And with your spirit.'”

ok, back to heretic-punching: i’ve always loved the idea, but since i’m not particularly strong or in shape, i’ve been been wary to get in actual fistfights with heretics.

i have been known, however, to hit people whom i disagree with when they’re not looking.

said that mass in the vernacular “wasn’t so bad”

(more after the jump…)

expressed opinion that nfp was a morally licit option for married couples

wore pants, and then defended her decision by producing a “pants pass

didn’t believe me that the third secret of Fatima hasn’t been revealed yet

expressed skepticism at claims that his protestant friend Caleb is surely going to hell, refused to regard ecumenism as a modernist heresy

said that i sounded like a donatist, cathar, jansenist schismatic, with a remarkably selective grasp of history and no charity or humility whatsoever

threw off my mojo at a sedevacantist singles mingle by being so much better looking than me

he was there. i had a clear shot. end of story.

granted, not all of these folks were heretics, but they sure had it coming to them.

don’t they always.

reports now indicate that, immediately prior to his infamous altercation with Trayvon Martin, Mr. Zimmerman had been expressing admiration for Roger Haight, Peter Phan, and Elizabeth Johnson. shameful.

i’m sorry to say that i myself have never punched any particularly notorious heretics, at least not yet. i have my wish list (it’s about a mile long, as you can imagine), but i’m still waiting for an opportunity to do it. perhaps i could ambush Christopher West at one of those “theology of the body” seminars he’s always giving…

what about you, my fair and faithful readers? any good heretic-punching stories among you?


4 Responses to “heretic-punching”

  1. […] …celebrates heretic-punching, with his customary hilarious results. […]

  2. archibald Says:

    She is a keeper. 2 bad she is not down with Jansenism. What about Lacouturism?

  3. I once punched a Novus Ordo person in the face for suggesting that 19th Century Catholic art has become a little cliche and and too sentimental.

  4. Once I hit a photograph of someone that I cut out of a magazine but I only hit it with a nurf bat and I smoothed it out later.

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