new Michael Voris movie?

whilst innocently surfing the interwebs earlier today, i happened upon a web advertisement for a film called “The Sessions,” which, insofar as it lacks Mel Gibson, would ordinarily not pique my interest at all.

upon looking at the advertisement more closely, however, i noticed that the film appears to star several other characters of interest, namely, noted sailor and self-proclaimed defensor fidei Michael Voris, woman-of-my-dreams Helen Hunt, and blogging bad-boy Max Lindenman of Patheos infamy.

“I was originally up for the Helen Hunt role.”

“Max who?” you’re probably asking.

it doesn’t matter, no one else has heard of him either.

what i want to know is how comes i’m only hearing about all this now?

on the one hand, i’ve been saying for years that Michael Voris would be a great film star. he’s such a natural, and that hair! on the other hand, i’m legitimately disturbed that Voris now seems willing to have dealings with an associate of the absolutely awful Patheos, and it is making me seriously reconsider my planned lenten cruise retreat.

“‘Patheos’? more like, um, you get the idea…”

help me out here, dear readers. does anyone know what the movie’s about? does the title have anything to do with Michael Voris fighting heresy during the sessions of a certain heretical church council? does  Voris’s character kill, maim, or otherwise attack those with whom he disagrees? what about Voris’s supporters? because they’re always doing that sort of thing, amiright?

5 Responses to “new Michael Voris movie?”

  1. I think Helen Hunt plays a succubus/liturgical-dance therapist who Voris hates so much all he can do is twitch and flop around like a probably-gay bishop after a sleepless weekend ministering to the natives on Fire Island. CUSTODY OF THE EYES WARNING: I read there is a lot of nudity in this movie. I suppose the charitable thing is to hope it’s all Voris so as not to be a near occasion of sin for anyone. I’m against nudity in anything that’s not a crucifix, but if it has to be done, Voris’s experience sabre rattling for the Truth will help him do it with his usual assertiveness and uncanny ability to force people to look at hard realities they may not want to think about.

  2. Antonin Strombauch Says:

    Iosue’s probably right.

    But with a title like “The Sessions,” I’m wondering if it doesn’t have to do with inquisitorial sessions. That’s my hope anyways… lots of… Michael Voris inquiring… into Helen Hunt’s beliefs… wipe that smile right off her face…

  3. Max Lindenman Says:

    Most of the time I have no idea who I am, either. Glad to know I’m working, though.

    • so, what was it like working with Voris? is his presence as commanding in real life as it is on the 3″x3″ window on my computer screen? does he swirl his finger around when he’s ready to begin a scene?

      and do tell me all about Hellen Hunt. i don’t know why, but the first time i saw her in “Mad About You” i was absolutely smitten. and although i’d never date her now, i suppose you could say that i’m still curious as to what might have been.

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