greatest blogger alive – UPDATED

no, please, hold your applause, i have so much more to say

while Mark Shea is busy wringing his hands over cults of celebrity and how to avoid them (as if he really needs to worry about that), i am pleased to announce that my own cult of celebrity is steadily waxing.

and i don’t mean the bad kind

yup, not only am i currently in negotiations to be the newest a-list blogger at “Patheos,” but i’ve also received numerous nominations for the “Sheenazing Blogger Awards,” which are, um, uh, well i don’t know what exactly they are. but i wants them. i wants them all.

“Hey how come Mark Shea didn’t get any nominations? Sorry, stupid question.”

although i feel pretty confident that i’m a lock to win every category, i do want to encourage all of my many loyal readers to support my candidacy, voting both early and often.

together we can show these fools what REALcatholic™ winning really looks like.


well, it turns out that i didn’t win anything at all. in all three of the stupid “sheenazing” categories for which i was nominated, i lost out to folks whose subscriber numbers are in the thousands. i don’t mean to whine and moan and be a sore loser, but THIS IS AN INJUSTICE!!!

and, to add insult to injury, the winner of “best blog by a catholic man” was none other than bad catholic, who is barely even pubescent. as if that makes any sense at all.

in her mass email to all the “losers” of the awards, awards host Bonnie thanked us for participating and encouraged us to try to get more readers, “because otherwise there’s just no way you’re ever going to be able to compete against the juggernauts of Simcha Fisher, Jen Fulwiler, Bad Catholic, and Like Mother Like Daughter. And the competition will only get fiercer: next year I’m planning to add Fr. Z and @pontifex, and maybe even Facebook, Wikipedia, and Google, which aren’t really blogs, but are still very popular. More popular than you’ll ever be anyway.”

well played Bonnie, well played.

and now there’s nothing left for me to do but go sit in a dark corner and cry burning tears of shame, self-loathing, and resentment.

“Looking for tears? Let me take a stab at it.”


4 Responses to “greatest blogger alive – UPDATED”

  1. Antonin Strombauch Says:

    T-2, I was going to vote your blog “Most Likely to Cause a Schism,” but then I saw that was on there and I had to change my vote.

  2. I once saw a television program called the Rock Ford Files. In the the story once the private detective named Rock Ford lost an award for best private detective, even though he was the star of the television show. But he said, “The nomination is the award.”

    It is very sporting!

    The point I am making about is that you lost the award, but the award ceremony is only a story in your show and you are still the star of the show. Like Rock Ford.

    You can do a victorious dance with Murphy the second. But I have a recommendation for all people about that. You have to scroll the right thing down so that you can see Murphy the second’s feet. Then his dancing looks much better.

    This is the song to dance to together with Murphy the second.

    • Re: Murphy’s podia: Actually, you need to use a decent browser that doesn’t make you have to scroll down to see Murphy’s feet. Email me and I’ll sell you a pirated copy of FireFox for $20.

      Nice video though. That’s pretty sweet.

  3. Antonin Strombauch Says:

    Troll 2 for Pope!

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