confessions of an ex-lax catholic: rhoid rage

in the past couple weeks, i’ve received several emails from solicitous readers inquiring as to whether my new-found REALfood obsession has led to healthier, more regular bowel habits.

(as you may recall, my being right and self-righteously angry all the time has led to more or less permanent constipation, which i have yet to fully overcome. yes, it turns out correctness, orthodoxy, and rage aren’t the only things i’m full of after all. such is life as true ex-lax catholic.)

the short answer is, no, it hasn’t. which is surprising, seeing as how i’ve been on this juice-and-kale cleanse for six days now.

back in the days when all i ate was ramen and pop tarts, i always figured my bowel issues were mostly attributable to my poor diet. turns out i may have been, ahem, wrong.

to make matters worse, i seem to have, um, forced the issue the other day, thus bringing back my previously dormant straining-induced hemorrhoids in full force. seriously, it’s gotten so bad that i can’t even sit down, be it in the delivery truck, on the couch, or even at my computer.

AP file photo of how things feel right about now

ordinarily i wouldn’t post about this sort of thing, since it’s equal parts embarrassing and disgusting. however, i’ve noticed that every couple of months there tends to be a surge of bloggers writing “authentic” posts where they divulge waaay too much private information only to be celebrated for it. you know, for being “authentic” and “honest” or something.

the way i see it, the so-called “catholic” blogosphere is due for another such surge, and i’d just as well be ahead of the curve this time around. i mean, there’s got to be TONS of bloggers out there who struggle with these particular effects of being self-righteously angry and uptight all the time, right? and you’re sure to appreciate how brave and bold i’m being here, right? (N.B. please provide track-backs for all accolades, so that i’m sure to see them and thus derive comfort from them as i sit sadly in yet another epsom salt bath.)

as for me, i’m off to try something a little different…

“desperate times” and all that

2 Responses to “confessions of an ex-lax catholic: rhoid rage”

  1. Antonin Strombauch Says:

    My hemorrhoids always flamed up whenever I had to hear “Table of Plenty” at the NO parish I used to go to. But the pews at the SSPX parish I go to now are so deliberately rock-hard that inflammation is still a problem. It’s at times like these that I start appreciating the Mohammedean face-plant posture.

  2. Fernando Matro Says:

    Any ex-Catholic who would like to engage in an ecumenical dialogue in charity and love, one subject at a time, on any Catholic doctrine, be my guest.

    Fernando Matro

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