Archive for the anger Category

confessions of an ex-lax catholic: rhoid rage

Posted in anger, real catholic with tags , , , , on June 14, 2013 by troll ii

in the past couple weeks, i’ve received several emails from solicitous readers inquiring as to whether my new-found REALfood obsession has led to healthier, more regular bowel habits.

(as you may recall, my being right and self-righteously angry all the time has led to more or less permanent constipation, which i have yet to fully overcome. yes, it turns out correctness, orthodoxy, and rage aren’t the only things i’m full of after all. such is life as true ex-lax catholic.)

the short answer is, no, it hasn’t. which is surprising, seeing as how i’ve been on this juice-and-kale cleanse for six days now.

back in the days when all i ate was ramen and pop tarts, i always figured my bowel issues were mostly attributable to my poor diet. turns out i may have been, ahem, wrong.

to make matters worse, i seem to have, um, forced the issue the other day, thus bringing back my previously dormant straining-induced hemorrhoids in full force. seriously, it’s gotten so bad that i can’t even sit down, be it in the delivery truck, on the couch, or even at my computer.

AP file photo of how things feel right about now

ordinarily i wouldn’t post about this sort of thing, since it’s equal parts embarrassing and disgusting. however, i’ve noticed that every couple of months there tends to be a surge of bloggers writing “authentic” posts where they divulge waaay too much private information only to be celebrated for it. you know, for being “authentic” and “honest” or something.

the way i see it, the so-called “catholic” blogosphere is due for another such surge, and i’d just as well be ahead of the curve this time around. i mean, there’s got to be TONS of bloggers out there who struggle with these particular effects of being self-righteously angry and uptight all the time, right? and you’re sure to appreciate how brave and bold i’m being here, right? (N.B. please provide track-backs for all accolades, so that i’m sure to see them and thus derive comfort from them as i sit sadly in yet another epsom salt bath.)

as for me, i’m off to try something a little different…

“desperate times” and all that


it takes a big man to apologize…

Posted in anger with tags , , , , , on June 6, 2013 by troll ii

AP file photo of Mark Shea in happier, hairier, and seemingly less culpable times

… and  it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man, amiright?

though i’m not quite halfway through the unread news items in my reader, i did happen to notice Shea’s recent apology for being a bitter betty.

personally, i’ve always been a fan of his bitterness, and i think it’s safe to say that he’d do better apologizing for his innumerable other failings, but i suppose it’s as good a start as any.

based on the comments section, it seems as though Shea has opted not to further condemn Live Action for lying, heresy, scandal, child abuse, tax evasion, and bestiality until he’s had the chance to speak with Lila Rose, which for someone like Shea is an awfully magnanimous gesture.

lest anyone think that this is a sign of repentance or a genuine change of heart on Shea’s part, please allow to submit the following baseless conspiracy theory irrefutable evidence:

i have it on good authority that Shea was shown footage of an undercover sting operating in which a disgruntled former combox denizen was tricked into divulging details of a nefarious plot against the Great [fake] Catholic Grenache himself.

screen grab of incriminating surveillance footage in question

i also have it on good authority (though i can’t say by what authority) that Shea plans next week to re-embrace the first edition of the CCC and launch a new book in defense of lying when doing undercover work.

in the mean time, my sources say he’s keeping a fairly low profile and is under the protection of a top-secret security detail provided gratis by Deacon “The Body Guard” JR (recently returned to duty from an extended lenten retirement).

how very convenient.

past grievances aside, i do sorta hope that Shea is able to neutralize this threat and quickly return to providing his trademark simplistic take on intractably difficult moral issues. in my experience, black and white is so much easier to deal with than shades of gray, especially when it involves getting to condemn others.

christian unity

Posted in anger with tags , , on January 22, 2013 by troll ii

ecumenism is the worst. really, it is.

even if you happened to think that everything else that vatican ii did was sensible and right-headed, surely you must recognize the absurdity of hoping and praying that all christians “may be one.”

who comes up with something like that? ugh, utter hippy nonsense.

“Evangelicals and Catholics together, man.”

we’re presently in the midst of the “week of prayer for christian unity,” which ironically enough is often an occasion for reflecting on how other christians have fallen short. i don’t mean members of other churches or denominations, mind you, but fellow co-religionists.

as i see it, this is the sole silver lining of the ecumenical movement: the opportunity to gripe about how others in your camp don’t understand what’s really at stake, or don’t care, or care too much, or their tactics are all wrong, or they’re making you look bad.

wow, when you stop and think about it, there’s something for everyone to be mad about.

my vision of christian unity: where all are joined by rage and self-righteous indignation.

it is your destiny

Posted in anger, blogging with tags , on January 22, 2013 by troll ii

feeling angry about something? maybe you should blog about it…

sometimes i worry that i am losing the battle for the hearts and minds of this wicked generation. that no one really listens to me, since i maybe come off a bit strange.

you know, nuts. crackers. cray cray.

i wonder if perhaps my anger towards others is off-putting. if my fixation on what constitutes REALcatholic™ orthodoxy might turn readers away.

it can be very lonely, really, bearing the responsibility for publicly calling others out. but the upside is that when you express your anger and self-righteous indignation, you often engender similar reactions in others, either out of support or opposition.

they become like petulant little children, and you take a certain quasi-parental pride in knowing that you helped to bring their anger out into the world.

i myself haven’t had much success with this of late, since no one takes me seriously, but i do enjoy watching from a distance as aggression and indignation beget more of the same.

“Good. Use your aggressive feelings. Let the hate flow through you.”

i know i’m probably a little late with this, but i didn’t want to miss the opportunity to warmly welcome Calah Alexander and her commenters to the dark side. if ever you think of leaving, my friends, just recall to mind how much there is to be angry about.

Finally, brethren, whatever is false, whatever is shameful, whatever is unjust, whatever is impure, whatever is ugly, whatever is unwanted, if there is any failing, if there is anything worthy of condemnation, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, do; and the spirit of perturbation will be with you.


Posted in anger, real catholic with tags , , , , , , , , , , on December 6, 2012 by troll ii

watch out for that right hook

the beginning of advent is one of my favorite times of the year, since it always brings the feast of St. Nicholas, heretic-puncher.

“If you want to throw down fisticuffs, fine. I’ve got Jack Johnson and Tom O’Leary waiting for ya, right here.”

sadly, since vatican ii, most so-called “catholics” have traded in their fisticuffs for hand-holding and hugs. it’s pathetic. why, i bet the average novus ordo bishop doesn’t even have a set of brass knuckles these days.

“I much prefer felt banners and non-violence, thank you very much.”


shoot, the wiseguys at NCR want women clergy? i guess you’ll have to forgive me for thinking that was already done.

as for me, my preference is for clergy in clerics and packing some heat.

“Sorry, the correct response now is ‘And with your spirit.'”

ok, back to heretic-punching: i’ve always loved the idea, but since i’m not particularly strong or in shape, i’ve been been wary to get in actual fistfights with heretics.

i have been known, however, to hit people whom i disagree with when they’re not looking.

said that mass in the vernacular “wasn’t so bad”

(more after the jump…)

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a new war on christmas

Posted in anger, real catholic with tags , , , , , , , , on December 1, 2012 by troll ii

“Pope”Benedict XVI: “Everything you’ve been told about Christmas is a lie.”

as you’ve no doubt heard from every single media outlet, the “Pope” has said in his new book that God doesn’t exist and that the incarnation is a myth and that there were no animals at the birth of Jesus. (h/t image: NovusOrdoWatch, frothing rage: Tom “Please Donate” Droleskey)

um, and what about “ox and ass before him lay”?

yeah, that’s what i thought. check and mate, sir.

as might be expected, the usual novus ordo suspects are jumping to Benedict’s defense and explaining that he’s been misquoted and/or quoted out of context. in fact, it seems that he has not denied God’s existence, nor the incarnation, nor even the presence of animals at Jesus’ birth.

frankly, i don’t care what he *actually* said. i’ve gotten myself good and angry and i intend to stay that way.

seriously, folks, this newest “Jesus of Nazareth” is about the biggest atrocity we’ve ever seen perpetrated upon the world, or at least about the biggest atrocity perpetrated upon the world as a direct result of Jesus’ birth.

yup, i’d say it comes in somewhere between the slaughter of the innocents and Newsong’s “Christmas Shoes.”



crucify him! crucify him!

Posted in anger, fake "catholics" with tags , , , , , , , , on August 31, 2012 by troll ii

since i first saw the story break on the blog of those goofballs over at the national catholic reporter, i was inclined to dismiss it as just another prank, but when i saw that legit web portals like “patheos” were reporting on the “Fr.” Benedict Groeschel scandal, i knew that it was legit, “like, totes for reals,” as the teenage daughters of my best friend, Turk Sorensen, might say.


1. i would link to the full interview, since i’m sure it’s truly horrific, but thankfully the national catholic register has taken it down, so that all we’re left with is the same stomach-churning meme that “Fr.” Groeschel blames victims, excuses abusers, and defends pedophilia. s-i-c-k, sick. (btw, for those who are maybe a little bit confused, the register is an entirely different “ncr” than the reporter, and not nearly as dangerously funny.)

“We speak the truth to power, when it suits us.”


2. i’m just gonna throw this out there, but for the first time in a long while i am actually really quite proud of fake “catholics,” since a whole lot of them are calling “Fr.” Groeschel to the woodshed on this. as “deacon’s bench” blogger Greg Kandra has so carefully chronicled, not only has the fake “catholic” blogosphere condemned Groeschel and his remarks, but so too have the national catholic registerthe archdiocese of new york, and Groeschel’s own hippy religious order. seriously folks, the self-righteous anger of all the critics is just awesome to behold (and you know how i loves me some self-righteous anger).


3. although i’m not entirely sure what Groeschel has done to merit the opprobrium he’s receiving right now, it wouldn’t surprise me if it was absolutely disgusting. Groeschel is a man absolutely committed to the fake “catholic” church, now supposedly led by “pope” benedict xvi (hmm, same name, same tradition-destroying m.o.).

all the work that he has done over the years to build up the novus ordo sham-church by caring for the poor (supposedly), giving talks, helping psychologically wounded people, including priests, founding a new religious order, and so much more–all of this shows how much Groeschel is actually a pawn of the evil one, sent to war against the real faith through the spreading of confusion by a life of humility and charity.

come to think of it, i once started an internets rumor that Groeschel was a nazi sympathizer and that he eats fetuses for breakfast and that he is himself a notorious abuser, and frankly, now i’m inclined to believe it.

“Oh dear, I can’t eat this one, they get much too tough and stringy after the second trimester,” I imagine Groeschel saying disappointedly, and evilly.


4. i don’t know about you, but it just feels good to see someone so despicable getting nailed by those who’ve been able to stay clean and remain above the fray. when allegations arose concerning “Fr.” Maciel, the then-legionary-owned national catholic register pulled no punches in its tireless investigation. and i’m pretty sure that the archdiocese of new york is one of the only diocese in the country to have had zero, yes ZERO, claims of abuse over the past few decades. obviously, Groeschel’s own CFRs can’t be too clean, since they were founded by Groeschel himself, but at least they’re trying to make good by kicking him while he’s down.


5. speaking of which, it can’t be easy throwing your founder under the bus like that, especially when you know he’s already survived being hit by a bus before. thankfully, the CFRs addressed this head-on, or at least their PR guys did, chalking up Groeschel’s comments to the ramblings of an old buffoon whose head just hasn’t been what it was since the accident. i myself can relate, since my father was a constant embarrassment to me when he got older. always having trouble swallowing and complaining about how no one changes him. honestly, i despised him in his old age, and i’m glad to see these guys doing pretty much the same thing.

feeling lonely? you’re probably just old and useless and pathetic, like my dad was before he died


6. of course, not everyone is piling on the frothing anger train. the always lame and lamely compassionate Terry at “abbey roads” has leapt to Groeschel’s defense, my former squeeze Katrina is also showing her support, and the despicable Mark Shea is at least sorta ambiguous in his prayer for him. (maybe someone can help me here, but i can’t follow Terry’s argument for the life of me. there are just so many shades of gray and all i’m used to is thinking in over-simplified terms of black and white, like everyone else in this imbroglio.)


7. finally, getting back to the CFRs, how do we really know that Groeschel isn’t actually right in the head? what if he meant what he said? even worse, what if what he said actually makes sense, and is right in its own way, but just wasn’t properly qualified or explained in the course of the interview? what if he’s actually counseled abusers and abused alike, and he knows what he’s talking about, even if he’s not expressing it in a way appropriate for a sound-bite? what if we read his remarks assuming the best of intentions?

nah, i’m not interested in doing that either, it’s easier just to scream him down for saying something that doesn’t fit our usual narrative. of course, maybe he’ll just die of a broken heart like Joe Paterno (another useless old guy) and we’ll be able to move on to his damnatio memoriae post haste. how i do love to speak ill of the dead.

what a goldbricker. this guy freakin’ walks, i’ve never been more certain of anything in my life.


oh yeah, and for takes not on this subject, wag the clicky-click here.