Archive for the mel gibson Category

when you’re alone, and life is making you lonely…

Posted in mel gibson, real catholic with tags , , , , , , , on January 9, 2013 by troll ii

…you can always go, er, “downton.”

yup, this has to be about the absolute worst time of year for me. and yet, even amidst the darkest clouds there has shone for me once again the radiant splendor of BBC’s masterpiece “downton abbey,” the third season of which began state-side just last sunday night.

of course, since the season has already aired in its entirety across the pond, i’ve been made all too well aware of the various twists and turns that the show will take (not only will Lady Sybil die in childbirth, but apparently Cousin Matthew will meet some sort of demise as well, since he’s not coming back for season four). *grumble, grumble.*

i know, i know, all you haters out there are going to say that the show is little more than fancily designed and rather well acted soap opera, with no real story or character development to speak of. a period dramady of manners, suited solely for the shallowly nostalgic and historically ignorant. and for women and effeminate men.

but you are wrong, wrong i say!

i mean, how can this show possibly be a soap opera, or just for women? they use british accents, for gosh sakes! british accents!!

“We Brits like our men manly. Oh, and they’ve gotta have faith faith faith.”

in a way, “downton” reminds me of my own passion for the real faith in the face of heresy: we’re presented with a rich and beautiful heritage from the past, as it actually was, before we were sold a bill of goods by modernism and modernity, before things were turned upside down through vulgarization. as you can see from every episode of “downton,” there were hardly any real problems in those days, before the cultural revolution, before vatican ii.

one could say, i suppose, that “downton” is to pre-war england what my preferred view of tradition is to pre-conciliar catholicism. oh, how i love them both.

if hollywood weren’t so hopelessly evil (and full of jews), i daresay i would love to see a period drama done on the church in her glory years, back when everything was in latin, and the men were men, and the women were modest and silent.

think of it!

seriously, can’t someone get Barbara Nicolosi and Mel Gibson to team up on this? Michael Voris could even co-star!!

“Tell Babs that I was never really serious about that Maccabees film, you know.”


a “false spirit of traditionalism”?

Posted in mel gibson, Murphy, real catholic with tags , , , , , , , , , on August 8, 2012 by troll ii

as if.

ok, so maybe mantillas *can* be over the top, but still…

i’m getting it from all sides over here.

first, Murphy told me on Monday afternoon that he was no longer comfortable celebrating the oeuvre of Mel Gibson purely on the basis of his arch-traditionalism and anti-semitism. when i responded that we could always do it on the basis of his artistry and talent as an actor, Murphy laughed in my face. (for the time being, it would seem that our tradition of Mel Gibson mondays is on hiatus, which really stinks.)

wait, isn’t laughing heretical?

next, i see that “fr.” dwight longnecker has put up yet another post mocking traditional (i.e., REAL) catholics by making them seem like isolated kooks. real catholics aren’t kooks, sir, or at least this real catholic isn’t. (come to think of it, since i may well be a church of practically one right now, am i really able to use the plural when speaking of real catholics? i just don’t know.)

AP file photo of Murphy’s favorite longnecker showing off what he can do with his mandible

finally, i saw this morning that Mark Shea descended into this vile diatribe against the so-called “false spirit of traditionalism”:

Yeah. It’s a cherished myth with a lot of Reactionaries that everything was great before the Council, that everything that’s wrong is due to a) the Council, b) Garrulous Karolus the Koran Kisser; c) damn libruls; d) Jews; e) Masons; and e) anybody who is critical of the widespread Traditionalist culture of pharisaic, paranoid, anti-semitic, conspiracy-mongering Inquisitorial lovelessness and pride….

Traditionalists love to brag about being “deep in history.” In fact, an awful lot of them are shallow in history….

They still need grace and mercy. Actual Catholic faith offers that. The cartoonish parody of Catholic faith that is the Reactionary Catholic subculture: not so much (though, of course, there are people in the Traditionalist subculture who are not like this).

first off, what Mark is calling a “cherished myth” is the plain and simple fact of the matter. i could prove it, but i’m not going to.

second off, what he’s dismissing as pharisaism, paranoia, anti-semitism, conspiracy-mongering, inquisitorial lovelessness, and pride is exactly the real catholic faith that i know and love. no mercy, baby!!

third off, there’s nothing cartoonish about my parody of the catholic faith. wait, that’s not right; i mean, just because i’m being cartoonish doesn’t mean that this is a parody. scratch that one, too; what i’m trying to say is, um, i’m rubber and you’re glue?

not gonna fly… i say let’s leave the parodies to the modernists

wait, what?

mel gibson monday: edge of darkness

Posted in blogging, mel gibson, real catholic with tags , , , , on August 2, 2012 by troll ii

despite being a borderline rabid fan of Mel Gibson, i have discovered in the past two weeks several films of his that i hadn’t yet seen. surprisingly enough, the first of these is actually one of the most recent: the 2010 mystery thriller “edge of darkness,” which is a film adaptation of a 1985 bbc television series by the same name. i can’t imagine how i could’ve missed this movie when it came out, especially since it was Mel’s first starring role since his awesome 2002 sci-fi fantasy pic, “signs.” but in any case, Murphy and i decided that we had to remedy the situation for this week’s Mel Gibson monday movie-watch, and now that our internets access is up and running again, i’m here to give you the rundown on what is a truly great film.

on to the plot: Mel plays Tom Craven, a boston homicide detective who becomes increasingly unstable following a tragic incident involving his grown daughter. after learning that she may have been intentionally targeted, Mel begins to suspect a massive conspiracy stretching to the upper echelons of the u.s. government and a major multi-national corporation (shockingly, the jews aren’t involved). eventually, his detective work leads him to the truth… about his daughter, about  himself, about the huge conspiracy, about what women really want, about government corruption, and about everything else too. along the way, Mel does what Mel does best: getting angry and intimidating people.

“Deep down, you know you deserve this.”

i know that i’ve said it before, but it bears repeating: the world needs more people like Mel Gibson, people who might just be a little bit crazy, but who will do whatever they think should be done no matter who might get hurt.

“I’m a guy with nothin to lose!”

since i am physically unable to intimidate anyone, i find that spewing vitriol on the interwebs is the next best thing to actually going out and doing something. you know, like in the real world.

it’s not easy being a church of practically one, but i’m committed to telling everyone else how wrong they are, and i promise to keep it up, despite all the online persecution, until they make it against the law and it gets really inconvenient.

“Everything’s illegal in Massachusetts.”

i’m still free to sound off here in iowa, and that’s the way i like it.

until next time, here’s the trailer for “edge of darkness” (courtesy of the kind folks at the youtubes), which should pique your interest.


mel gibson monday: what women want

Posted in mel gibson on July 23, 2012 by troll ii

as noted before, despite always being right about everything, i have yet to find any lasting success in the romance department.

this is a mystery to me, since i would’ve thought that most women, or at least most real catholic women, would jump at the chance to be with a man who is true to the faith and who’s man enough to tell her how to think and what to do and when to do it.

i mean, all my closest friends are married, and i’m a lot smarter and more catholic than them, so what gives?

ordinarily, Murphy would be one to pile on the encouragement–“there’s always other fish in the sea, even if the barque of peter’s abandoned” he likes to say–but recently he’s been rather focused on providing for his own romantic needs. since i’ve been willing to help him out with a few posts on the internets inquiring after female hamsters and concerning his availability for “studding,” good ol’ Murphy thought he’d help me out in return, so this week he suggested for our Mel Gibson monday movie the 2000 docu-drama “what women want,” which we both hoped might provide some insight into my burning question, “what do women want?”

so anyway, in the film Mel plays an unstable and rather chauvinistic ad exec who, following a heinous depilation-related accident, suddenly finds himself able to hear exactly what women are thinking. after some initial frustration with this “gift,” he begins to use it to his advantage, both professionally and romantically, until he finds himself falling for the very woman he’s competing with. Helen Hunt co-stars–needless to say, she is fantastic!

“There’s way too much estrogen on television these days.”

i’m gonna tell you all what i told Murphy, though: i don’t really expect this movie to turn things around for me. don’t get me wrong, if there’s anyone i should imitate in the ways of love, it’s certain my man Mel. and yet i seriously doubt that there’s anything that i still have to learn. as i see it, my problem is that there aren’t enough good women out there, or i haven’t met them anyway.

besides, there’s simply no way that i’m going to follow all of Mel’s methods.

“Oh… This is nice, I don’t understand why women complain about waxing.”

i’ll just keep on keepin’ on, and maybe someday i’ll find that perfect woman who loves me for me, and who i can love for all the potential to be just a little bit better that i know her to have.

“Women are crazy! Who would want to do that again?”

you tell em’, Mel!

and now for all you good folks out there looking at your beautiful glowing squares, here’s a trailer for the movie, courtesy of the nice people at the youtubes.

mel gibson monday (belated)

Posted in mel gibson with tags , , , , , , on July 18, 2012 by troll ii

things have been crazy ’round these here parts the past two days or so. as anticipated, the sit-down with Turk Sorensen was a smashing success, and he has since been restored to the status of “best friend,” or more accurately, “best human friend,”  since Murphy will always be favorite. (i’ll spare you the details of the crying and the imploring and the self-flagulation, at least for now; let’s just say that Turk’s denigration ended up being even sweeter than i had hoped!)

artist’s rendering of my recollection of Turk’s groveling like a lowly worm

after our reconciliation, Turk and i began drinking copious amounts of peach schnapps to one another’s health. needless to say, i did NOT get home in time to watch “bird on a wire,” nor was i in any shape to do much of anything the following day.

my man Mel knows what i’m talking about

now that i am fully recovered, the plan is to watch this week’s Mel Gibson monday movie tonight, with both Murphy and Turk (sorry for taking your hubby, Sheila, but it’s boys’ night in!).

since it’s been a while since i last saw “bird on a wire,” i’m not entirely sure how accurate my memory of its plot is. as i recall, Mel plays a slightly unstable mechanic who’s in the witness protection program, and after he gets recognized by Goldie Hahn’s character, who he used to date, they have to go on the run in order to avoid the bad guy, Eugene Sorenson (ha!), who Mel helped to put away years before. people start shooting guns and stuff starts blowing up and Mel Gibson is awesome and he and Goldie live happily ever after and then the credits roll… BACKWARDS!!! (i know, how crazy is that!)

“Wow, Goldie, it says on this blog here that your brother is famed fake ‘catholic’ apologist Scott Hahn.”

ah yes, i’ve already received several emails from readers suspicious of my claim that Goldie Hahn and Scott Hahn are sister and brother. “after all,” these folks retort, “they actually spell their last names differently.”

“oh, yeah,” say i, “well then how do you explain the obvious family resemblance?”

my sakes, they could be twins

take that, doubters! and don’t forget to join us next week for a review of our most recent Mel Gibson monday movie, the 2000 family drama “what women want” (hint: the answer is more Mel Gibson).

in the mean time, thanks to the good folks at the youtubes, here’s the trailer from “bird on a wire” to whet your appetite for Mel.


mel gibson monday: the patriot

Posted in mel gibson with tags , , , , , , , , on July 9, 2012 by troll ii

the fourth of july came and went last week, but Murphy and i were hardly able to get in an appropriately patriotic mood. i’m not sure if it was due to our continuing bitterness over the supreme court ruling, the fact that our entire neighborhood was still without power, or the annoyance at being disinvited to the annual pool party / fireworks / bbq / potluck extravaganza that my former best friend, turk sorensen, puts on every independence day. for all i know, it could have been from the frustration of losing the most recent episode of “the bachelorette” from our tivo and having to hear from the girl across the street that stupid Emily chose to get rid of Chris. (Murphy is convinced she will never find happiness, and frankly, i’m inclined to agree.)

next time, Chris, try

anyway, whatever our reasons were at the time, Murphy and i decided over the weekend that we needed to be better americans and get back to an especially independency state of mind, and we figured that the best way to do this was to honor our country with Mel Gibson’s most patriotic movie, the aptly titled “the patriot.”

maybe he’s born with it, maybe it’s maybelline

on to the plot. Mel plays a slightly unstable combat veteran of the french and indian war who wants nothing other than to stay out of the fray of the revolutionary war and live peacefully on his south carolina plantation. after tragedy strikes, he changes his mind and decides to take on the british with a guerilla unity of militiamen that he has organized. needless to say, Mel kicks some serious red-coat backside, thus ensuring that the u. s. of a. would be the greatest nation on earth. Heath Ledger and Tom Wilkinson, among others, co-star.

“What you going to do when we come for you now, 
it’s the dream that we all share; it’s the hope for tomorrow.”

i don’t want to say anything more about the movie except that, if you haven’t seen it, you really need to. tonight. redbox doesn’t have it (no-good commies), but wal-mart does (heck yeah, america!), and so might your local video store.

thanks to the good peoples at the youtubes, here’s the trailer, to give you a better idea of what all the excitement is about:


does it get any more awesome than that? i submit that it does not.

in all seriousness, folks, i think that we might be able to turn this country around if we could just get Mel Gibson to run for president. or at least make a film where he plays someone running for president.

heck, he could use nothing but quotes from “the patriot” as his soundbites.

“An elected legislature can trample a man’s rights as easily as a king can.”

spoken like a true patriot.

“I’m a parent. I haven’t got the luxury of principles.”

well, i’m voting for him. Mel’s better than anyone else currently on the ballot.

yay america?

mel gibson monday: ransom

Posted in mel gibson with tags , , on July 2, 2012 by troll ii

i don’t know how much it’s shown, but Murphy and i have been in a rather dark place since the news last thursday that democracy had died yet again that our sweet freedom as americans had been stripped from us and sold for scrap. probably to the chinese. stupid supreme court.

given the current mood, he and i thought we’d keep things dark with this week’s Mel Gibson movie, which is the 1996 thriller “ransom,” co-starring Rene Russo, Gary Sinise, and Delroy Lindo.

the basic plot has Mel as a rich airline owner whose son is kidnapped for, you guessed it, ransom. anyway, Mel grows increasingly unstable and the twist is that he decides to turn the ransom money into a bounty on the kidnapper’s head (whoa!). there are more twists, and then twists to those twists, and finally even more twists, none of which i can really recall right now, but it doesn’t matter because the movie’s AMAZING. i mean, obviously it is, because it’s starring Mel Gibson, and it’s especially amazing because of how angry he gets.

“By the time I’m done with you, you’ll wish you’d never been born!”

i actually met Mel Gibson once, back when he was doing publicity for “the passion,” and he seemed like a guy who really had it all figured out. when i mentioned to him that i had just recently begun to learn the truth about what really happened at vatican ii and how the popes weren’t legit anymore he smiled so big at me i thought i might die. i mean, he was just beaming and nodding along, and i was like, “omigosh this is Mel Gibson! and we’re hating on amchurch together!! aaahhh!!!”

i immediately launched into several of my newest conspiracy theories relating to various interventions of Cardinal Ottaviani at the council, and how the jews had made the ussr throw the 1980 gold medal hockey game to halt the trade of oranges in northern afganistan, and how George Bush had confessed in morse-code blinks that he was the anti-christ during his 2002 state of the union address, and how the knights of columbus had secretly invented u-scan grocery check-out machines in order to help the social security administration…

and then i saw it. i had lost him. he had literally no idea what i was talking about.

yes, actually, he looked sort of like this.

that’s when he politely asked me to stop talking. and also never to see his movies again. and i said, “but i’m an internet troll, Mr. Gibson, sir, and i’m your biggest fan.” and then his security guard tased me. when i came to, i saw that Mel was gone and that someone had spilled some sort of warm beverage down my pant leg. very strange.

ok, that’s it for the personal anecdotes. for those of you still interested in the fantabulous “ransom,” here’s the trailer from the youtubes.