the other day i was on catholic answers forums, trying to muster up the will to provoke a bunch of pseduo-catholics into a dispute over the vile and degrading practice of nfp, when i noticed that an old post of mine had finally gotten a response, and a good one at that.
this response was actually so good that i didn’t know what to say in reply. it was from a young, married mother of two, and she had so completely dismantled my false-flag lambasting of real Catholic nfp critics that i was, literally, speechless. she even linked to his holiness, pope michael i.
i thought to myself, “sweet cardinal siri, this lady is the real deal!” but when i clicked on her profile i realized i was looking at a ghost account that *i* had created months ago, as part of a separate project to “raise concern” over the orthodoxy, and sexuality, of a certain apologist whose name rhymes with “schmim schmaples.”
i sat there with mouth agape, aghast that i had fallen prey to the intricate interweb of trolling deceit woven by myself. i truly was, and am, a formidable opponent.
the fact is that i’m probably in too deep. i’ve been trolling for so long, hiding behind so many fake personae, using so many different proxy servers, and ghosting so many legitimate commenters’ ip addresses, that sometimes i can’t remember what my own positions are, or even who i am. Murphy says this kind of talk just doesn’t sound like me, and maybe he’s right, but how can i know for sure?
they say that the first step toward recovery is admitting you a have a problem.
well then, non-exhaustively and in no particular order: My name is…
- Troll II
- Mark Shea’s Boyfriend
- Mantilla Vs. Mothra
- Christopher West’s Love Child
- Simcha’s Trousers
- Ora Pro Voris
- Scott Hahn’s Colon
- The Wandererer
- Colleen Hammond’s Underoos
- Justine Schmiesing
- Pro Paucis
- Fr. Fessio’s Eyebrows
- Mel Gibson Was Right
- Matthew Kelly
… and i’m a trollaholic.
don’t get me wrong, i’m not apologizing. i’m simply asking that you REAL Catholics out there pray for me that i would know what to do.