Archive for Christopher West

7 quick takes: troll ii q&a, take 2

Posted in modesty, nfp, real catholic, sex with tags , , , , , , , , , , on June 22, 2012 by troll ii

yup, me again

questions from readers continue to pour in to my email account, and i’ve noticed that many of you are especially concerned with my views concerning women and sexuality. after the smashing success of my first q&a post, i’ve opted again to answer these questions here on the blog, so as to avoid unnecessarily multiplying my efforts in responding to the same queries over and over again. here goes…


1. hi troll, ok, i *maybe* understand not wanting to joke about sex, especially in light of your opposition to laughing, but you seem to have a pretty negative attitude toward sex and human sexuality in general. what gives?

well, despite what you may have heard from Greg Popcak or Dr. Ruth or whoever, the fact of the matter is that the catholic tradition is clear that human sexuality is an effect of sin and the single biggest cause of sin. sexual congress within the bonds of matrimony is of course sacred and not sinful, but that doesn’t make it any less disgusting. the way i see it, the marital act is a lot like circumcision: it’s painful and horrible and it makes you cry, and yet God’s inscrutable decree has made it something holy. go figure.

“you’ll be doing what to my what, now? and God says this is ok?”


2. you seem to speak from painful experience; are there wounds in your life that need to be healed? have you ever tried Theophostic Ministry™? isn’t it the greatest?

there is a lot about my past that is painful, and yes, i have tried theophostic healing. in fact, before theophostic helped me out, i was a fairly normal church-going novus ordo catholic, never realizing the web of depravity and deceit to which i had fallen victim. theophostic helped me realize that everything i knew was a lie. since then, i’ve succeeded in repressing my sexuality and taking pride in my faithfulness and self-righteousness. thanks, theophostic!

“theophostic worked to help me forgive everyone who’s out to get me. awesome!”


“yeah, just look at how God has, um, endowed that beautiful woman over there. i mean, wow!”

3. um, the experience of sexuality doesn’t have to be all bad, you know. have you ever heard Christopher West? he says that if you read his books you won’t have to struggle anymore with concupiscence. 

wow, this is turning into a trip down memory lane. of course i’ve read Christopher West, and i know all about how he thinks we should all walk around naked and enjoy looking at each other naked. personally, i used to love West’s tapes, first because they gave me license to give up custody of the eyes, and then later on, after i saw the light and left shamchurch, because they were the best proof around that “pope” john paul ii’s so-called “theology of the body” was a total crock. the only truly good news about sex that the real church has ever taught is that you don’t have to have it. period.


4. right, so are you currently seeing anyone?

yes, as i mentioned in my post on SALSA dancing, i am presently involved with a young woman i met over the internets. she has asked me not to talk about her on the site, since her family is very much opposed to dancing. and to men. that’s why i don’t usually talk about her or post pictures. ever. it’s not because i don’t actually a girlfriend, or that i’ve made her up or something. here, i’ll prove it: here’s her page on the facebook. hi, kitty kat :)


5. frankly, i’m surprised that you have a significant other, because it often seems from your posts that you hate women, especially women bloggers; aren’t you kind of misogynistic? 

first off, how could i hate women? me mum’s one. so is our lady of fatima. and my girlfriend. second, when i express disgust at what women do, it’s not because they’re women but because they’re NOT acting like women. it’s like Steve Kellmeyer rightly says, women these days are stupid and sex-crazed and sinful. which of those things am i supposed to like? oh right, none of them. because i’m a real catholic. it’s not my fault that women these days prostitute their femininity by working outside the home and then trip up men by showing off their lascivious bodies, leaving practically nothing to the imagination. i think the more accurate thing to say is not that i hate women, but that i am afraid of them, especially their bodies, which is as it should be, right?

this looks about right to me


ah, even better

6. speaking of women’s bodies, don’t you think your comments about modesty have crossed a line? i mean, burkas? really?

well, what you find off-putting i would say is just plain common sense. simply put, i find women’s bodies to be absolutely terrifying, since they are basically an efficacious sign of the carnal allurements of the flesh, which must be avoided and condemned at all costs. some might say that at least some responsibility should fall on the man, since he’s the one doing the ogling, but they’re wrong. it’s like Mel Gibson once said, if you go outside wearing pants, you’re probably asking for it.

7. ok, this is getting really offensive, really quickly. in light of the commotion caused by your nfp post the other day, could you please clarify whether there are any other, non-sex-related reasons for irrationally hating it so much?

i don’t know. off the top of my head, i can say that the whole idea of letting the laity prayerfully and prudently discern God’s will for their family sounds silly to me, and an awful lot like planned parenthood. (paging Dr. Sanger.) everything should be left up to God’s will. married couples should never actively try to have children, and should never actively try not to have children. sex is a mystery, a disgusting forbidden mystery, and it simply should never be left up to husbands and wives to be actively involved in cooperating with God in his plan for their family. that’s what the catholic church says about it anyway. at least my catholic church.


remember, if you have additional questions or comments, you can always email me realcatholicsdontlaugh [at] gmail [dot] com.

and for additional (and probably more licentious) quick takes, bang it here. or don’t.

time to admit it: i need help

Posted in blogging, fake "catholics", pope michael, real catholic with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 14, 2012 by troll ii

the other day i was on catholic answers forums, trying to muster up the will to provoke a bunch of pseduo-catholics into a dispute over the vile and degrading practice of nfp, when i noticed that an old post of mine had finally gotten a response, and a good one at that.

this response was actually so good that i didn’t know what to say in reply. it was from a young, married mother of two, and she had so completely dismantled my false-flag lambasting of real Catholic nfp critics that i was, literally, speechless. she even linked to his holiness, pope michael i.

i thought to myself, “sweet cardinal siri, this lady is the real deal!” but when i clicked on her profile i realized i was looking at a ghost account that *i* had created months ago, as part of a separate project to “raise concern” over the orthodoxy, and sexuality, of a certain apologist whose name rhymes with “schmim schmaples.”

i sat there with mouth agape, aghast that i had fallen prey to the intricate interweb of trolling deceit woven by myself. i truly was, and am, a formidable opponent.

the fact is that i’m probably in too deep. i’ve been trolling for so long, hiding behind so many fake personae, using so many different proxy servers, and ghosting so many legitimate commenters’ ip addresses, that sometimes i can’t remember what my own positions are, or even who i am. Murphy says this kind of talk just doesn’t sound like me, and maybe he’s right, but how can i know for sure?

they say that the first step toward recovery is admitting you a have a problem.

well then, non-exhaustively and in no particular order: My name is…

  1. Troll II
  2. Mark Shea’s Boyfriend     
  3. Mantilla Vs. Mothra    
  4. ModestyPolice
  5. FatiMom
  6. Christopher West’s Love Child
  7. FoxxyOrthodoxxy   
  8. TheBlackSheepDogAteMyHomework
  9. ChristendomAlum97
  10. DontQuitYourOpusDayJob
  11. Simcha’s Trousers    
  12. Ora Pro Voris
  13. Scott Hahn’s Colon    
  14. The Wandererer
  15. NFP-ness
  16. FrGrunerFanBoy
  17. Colleen Hammond’s Underoos   
  18. Ha!MedjuLook
  19. SaintStrongBad
  20. SungenisGroupie4Life   
  21. Justine Schmiesing
  22. Pro Paucis
  23. AntiDentite08
  24. FSSPFratBoy81
  25. EMichaelJonesforPresident 
  26. Fr. Fessio’s Eyebrows
  27. FrZisMyHomeboy 
  28. FlamingCharismatic04
  29. SedeVacantisaurusRex
  30. PhatimaChick99
  31. Mel Gibson Was Right
  32. Matthew Kelly   
  33. DimondBrosBeforeHoes
  34. EWTNSoldMyMomsWheelchair
  35. WeigelNeoConJob
  36. VortexSwordofTruth11 

… and i’m a trollaholic.

don’t get me wrong, i’m not apologizing. i’m simply asking that you REAL Catholics out there pray for me that i would know what to do.

misrepresenting myself: a manifesto

Posted in blogging, fake "catholics", real catholic with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on May 6, 2012 by troll ii

my good friend Turk Sorensen happened to see the “interesting” (and rather uncharitable) exchange on the facebook that i posted about yesterday, and he advised me that i need to be careful about two things.

1) now that i am again a recognized scourge of pseudo-“catholics” everywhere on the internets, i need to remember to stay grounded and remember where i come from and why i do what i do. i can’t allow how right i am about the faith to dictate who i am as a person, because i’m more than simply an opinionated guy who’s zealous for defending the true faith against all the fakers and liars out there. i’ve hurt a lot of people in the past by only being willing to talk about how wrong they are about religion, when actually there were plenty of other things wrong with them that i could have focused on and tried to correct. i’m right about so much more than just the true catholic faith, and i need to keep in mind how many other areas of life people are wrong on.

2) i need to be discreet in what i say and who i say it to. see, it’s one thing to inflammatorily comment on other people’s blogs, where the potential readers are probably lost in heretical error and in need of being smashed in the face with a cinder block of harsh truth (along with a well crafted ad hominem or two). it’s another thing entirely when it’s my own blog, where visitors are hopefully truly seeking to know how they can think and act like me. thus, i’m sorry to anyone for whom i may have been a stumbling block by linking to the vile pieces by Simcha Fisher (but please believe me when i say i could have linked to much worse). i can’t promise that i won’t at some point link to things that need to be called out and condemned (*cough, cough* Mark Shea, Christopher West, Opus Dei, Scott Hahn, “Fr.” Robert Barron, all of Patheos, etc. etc. etc.), but i will at least give due warning before doing so.

as i see it, i need to be careful about not misrepresenting myself. those opposed to the truth will try to shout me down and crucify me and say that i’m just a crackpot SSPXer on meth (false, false, and false, btw), but i will hold my ground and shout the truth even louder and maybe even let some flecks of spit come out too.

i may have some things to say that are hard for some of you to hear, but you know what, i’m gonna say them anyway. and i’m determined to undermine the mainstream “catholic” media line about how the true faithful are traddie anti-semite wackjobs by giving you a little bit more of the full picture of who i am, of who we all are: completely normal salsa-dancing, hamster-loving, basement-living people who are right about everything you are wrong about.

pax vobiscum.

the new face of real orthodoxy: Murphy, hungry for hamster food, and the TRUTH