Archive for constipation

3.5 time-outs: confessions of an ex-lax catholic

Posted in real catholic with tags , , , , on July 3, 2012 by troll ii

as a certifiable REALcatholic, i pride myself on not being accommodating or lax with anything or anyone. (i wasn’t always so rigorous, of course, but that’s a story for another post.)

the fact is that i now have high standards, which pretty much no one ever meets, and i’m not afraid to condemn practices or people that i find unacceptable.

believe the novus ordo mass is legit? anathema sit!

think nfp and theology of the body are groovy? anathema sit!

like “charity” and “mercy” in your religion? anathema sit!

think altar girls are ok? anathema sit!

don’t think the u.s. of a. is the greatest country ever? anathema sit!

prefer to hang toilet paper “under” rather than “over”? anathema sit!

etc., etc., etc.

i’ll admit that i’m pretty strict when it comes to things that are important, i.e., things i have a strong opinion about.

the downside to this, at least in my experience, is that being so uptight makes certain, um, “movements of nature” a little more difficult to execute. also, it makes it so that you have hardly any friends.

while i have no solution to the latter problem, the former is one that is (typically) easily solved with the proper use of laxatives, of which the following are especially recommended.

1) metamucil – bulk-producing psyllium husk is my daily go-to for maintaining regularity. super gentle, but also really effective. i give it four stars.

2) phillip’s stool softener – this docusate-based laxative is a pretty handy plan-b for when back-ups occur. usually pretty gentle, but DO NOT overuse. i give it three and a half stars.

3) milk of magnesia – saline-based osmotic laxatives are not my favorite, but when time is of the essence, they really can’t be beat. two and a half stars is fair, i think.

3.5) apricots. i know, i know, it sounds like some sort of hippie-dippy, guitar-mass-loving, reiki-using organic black magic, but the fact is, certain kinds of foods really do help keep things moving. prunes fall into this category for sures. also, reading posts by amy welborn (go figure).

for more substantive (but less stimulating) time-outs, bang it here.

regular blogging will resume shortly.