Archive for jews

when you’re alone, and life is making you lonely…

Posted in mel gibson, real catholic with tags , , , , , , , on January 9, 2013 by troll ii

…you can always go, er, “downton.”

yup, this has to be about the absolute worst time of year for me. and yet, even amidst the darkest clouds there has shone for me once again the radiant splendor of BBC’s masterpiece “downton abbey,” the third season of which began state-side just last sunday night.

of course, since the season has already aired in its entirety across the pond, i’ve been made all too well aware of the various twists and turns that the show will take (not only will Lady Sybil die in childbirth, but apparently Cousin Matthew will meet some sort of demise as well, since he’s not coming back for season four). *grumble, grumble.*

i know, i know, all you haters out there are going to say that the show is little more than fancily designed and rather well acted soap opera, with no real story or character development to speak of. a period dramady of manners, suited solely for the shallowly nostalgic and historically ignorant. and for women and effeminate men.

but you are wrong, wrong i say!

i mean, how can this show possibly be a soap opera, or just for women? they use british accents, for gosh sakes! british accents!!

“We Brits like our men manly. Oh, and they’ve gotta have faith faith faith.”

in a way, “downton” reminds me of my own passion for the real faith in the face of heresy: we’re presented with a rich and beautiful heritage from the past, as it actually was, before we were sold a bill of goods by modernism and modernity, before things were turned upside down through vulgarization. as you can see from every episode of “downton,” there were hardly any real problems in those days, before the cultural revolution, before vatican ii.

one could say, i suppose, that “downton” is to pre-war england what my preferred view of tradition is to pre-conciliar catholicism. oh, how i love them both.

if hollywood weren’t so hopelessly evil (and full of jews), i daresay i would love to see a period drama done on the church in her glory years, back when everything was in latin, and the men were men, and the women were modest and silent.

think of it!

seriously, can’t someone get Barbara Nicolosi and Mel Gibson to team up on this? Michael Voris could even co-star!!

“Tell Babs that I was never really serious about that Maccabees film, you know.”

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e. michael jones’ worst nightmare

Posted in jews, Murphy with tags , , , , on August 14, 2012 by troll ii

seriously, this sort of thing keeps him up nights.

cold sweats and everything, for reals.

me too, truth be told.

probably because my maternal grandfather’s name was Mousekewitz.

come to think of it, that was Murphy’s maternal grandfather‘s name, too.

“yes, but my Bubbe was a shikse, doesn’t that count for something?”

i suppose this goes a long way toward explaining Murhpy’s discomfort with Mel Gibson mondays. ah well.

7 quick takes: therapy complete

Posted in Murphy with tags , , , , , , , , on July 13, 2012 by troll ii

racist no more?

sooo, Murphy supposedly finished the last of his therapy sessions and sensitivity training courses yesterday afternoon.

i say “supposedly,” because even though he won’t be demanding to commandeer the computer for 50 minutes at a time to skype with his counselor/discussion-facilitator, Belinda Geach, there doesn’t seem to be any abatement of “therapy-related activities” for the foreseeable future. awesome.

what are these activities, you ask, and why do i sound so exasperated by their continuation? well, i’ll tell you.

.

1. working out. somehow Murphy’s gotten it into his head that “a sound mind needs a sound body,” so he’s constantly wanting to work out. and i mean constantly. what’s worse, he wants me to work out with him. honestly, there is little that i hate more than physical exercise. heck, that’s half the reason i choose to spend all my time in front of the computer.

“can’t we go back inside, Murphy, to the welcome glow of the monitor and my fluorescent basement lights?”

.

2. eating right. working out, while truly horrible, is only half the equation. “garbage in, garbage out,” he says, so now he threatens hunger strikes when i don’t provide him with enough high quality (and high-priced) organic vegetables. aside from the damage it’s doing to my wallet, he’s getting to be so stuck up about it, i can hardly stand it.

Murphy, at a fatter, happier, less snobbish time

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3. relaxation exercises. Murphy has given me a hard time for a while now about my, um, issues with regularity, and now he’s feeling sufficiently “empowered” by his therapist’s encouragement to talk my ear off about the benefits of relaxation exercises. he says they’ll be good for my heart and bowels alike. ha! and he says i’m full of it.

dear john: let’s face it, we will never be friends

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4. bleeding heart. don’t get me wrong, i was all for eradicating his racist tendencies, but Murphy’s newfound “sensitivity” is beginning to sound an awful lot like mercy and compassion for others, which i really can’t stand. next thing you know he’ll want to start “occupying” this or that and then he’ll propose canvassing for Barack Obama. i sure hope it doesn’t come to that, because if so, it’ll be time for some change in the hamster department.

(see what i did there?)

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5. political correctness. as i mentioned before, Murphy’s training has led him to become  increasing skittish about anything that can be construed as racist or anti-semitic, and it’s gotten to the point where his fervor for Mel Gibson is beginning to wane. he actually fell asleep during “the patriot” the other night. i know, i couldn’t believe it either. also, i think that he may have intentionally befouled my copy of “the protocols of the elders of zion.” absolutely heinous.

is there any way you could say “no” to this man?

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6. luuuv. now that he’s getting his figure back, Murphy has been pestering me to consider acquiring another, female hamster. you know, for “companionship.” i don’t know how i feel about this, not only because then i wouldn’t have him around to hang out with as much, but also because i have no idea what the moral boundaries on this are. my main guide on all moral questions is the “moral theology” of SAINT Alphonsus Liguori, but he doesn’t have anything at all to say about sexual ethics for hamsters. any suggestions? Murphy’s getting pretty antsy, if you know what i mean.

“omigosh, Troll, just give me an answer already!”

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7. meddling. since “becoming all the hamster he can be,” Murphy has taken it upon himself to point out all the areas where he thinks i need self-improvement. as if. the fact is, i’m practically perfect in every way, and i don’t need anyone telling me otherwise. if he’s not advising me to use capital letters in my blog posts, he’s telling me i need to get back in the dating game. he just never gives it a rest anymore. which is convenient, seeing as how he helped to scare away my last girlfriend with his offensive remarks.

crescat, come back, you can blame it all on me

.

i’m obviously in a bad mood, and i reserve the right to take back everything bad i’ve said about Murphy, should he happen to start acting normal again or should my medication actually start to kick in. for the time being, though, i’m as angry and irritated as ever.

for additional (but less put-upon) takes, slam it here.

it’s the jews

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on June 29, 2012 by troll ii

in honor of E. Michael Jonesreal birthday (wikipedia is NOT to be trusted, peoples), i’ve posted for the education and enjoyment of all a brief clip from the 2001 drama “bubble boy.”

it’s no “le juif suss,” but i think it serves as a helpful reminder of what we’re are up against, and personally, it gives me hope that if the truth about the jews can even come out of hollywood, then anything’s possible.

many happy returns on the day, E.!

p.s. Bob, Mel, and Mahmoud send their best wishes, too.

news round-up

Posted in Murphy, pope michael, salsa with tags , , , , , , , on June 27, 2012 by troll ii

due to some legal issues, i’ve been keeping rather mum on the whole “pope” michael / david bawden joking fiasco (see posts here, here, and here).

however, my attorney, Shep Klingerman, has recently assured me that bawden has no grounds for his suits against me for libel or slander or sexual harrassment (as if!), so i’m going to go ahead and update everyone on what’s been happening in this matter and in every other area of my life as well.

  • it’s since come out that bawden’s so-called “ordination” was actually performed by a schismatic heretic “old catholic,” who believes that women should be ordained. (i bet the jokesters at ncr love that).
  • i didn’t know this at the time, but bawden also decided that he would change the celibacy requirements for holy orders, so that married people could be ordained. (right, because what we really need is our priests defiling themselves with human sexuality.)
  • i’ve learned that footage shot for the documentary film “pope michael” that ended up on the cutting room floor showed not one but TWO copies of “redneck joke” books in Bawden’s bathroom, as well as a Woody Allen book on Bawden’s nightstand, and pirated videotapes of “america’s funniest home videos” in Bawden’s living room. (absolutely heinous. and to think i ever regarded him as a serious man.)
  • although no one has yet to take me up on my offer to re-visit canon law and figure out how to get out of this mess we’re in, i remain hopeful that the light will dawn. i’m also beginning to come to terms with the reality that i may be the only living member of the true catholic church left in the entire world. amazing.
now for a round-up of everything else.

  • Murphy’s online therapy sessions have been going rather well. his violent outbursts and racist remarks are at an all time low, and he seems to be of a much sunnier disposition altogether. i am, however, a little worried about his sudden distaste for comments disparaging the jews, which seems to be an unintended side-effect of his therapy. we’ll see if this impacts Mel Gibson mondays. hopefully it does not.
  • my salsa-dancing internets girlfriend broke up with me via text-message this past weekend– something about feeling uncomfortable with being mentioned on the blog and not liking my paranoid delusions and having greater aspirations than living in a basement in des moines. whatever, who needs her. i wasn’t really interested in having a conjugal relationship with her anyway, seeing as how gross those tend to be. i was just in it for the dancing (kat was fantastic at salsa, believe you me), and in any case, there’s a sedevacantist salsa singles mingle coming up in a few weeks over in tulsa (info here), so i should be just fine on that front.
  • grannie cannarbean’s passing brought up a lot of mixed feelings that i don’t really want to talk about. i didn’t go to her silly sspx funeral and she didn’t leave me anything in her will, so i guess we’re even. i just wish things could have been different. but i don’t want to talk about it.
  • after our recent falling out, my former best friend Turk Sorensen has taken to sending me fruit baskets and notes of apology. of course, the notes are written in latin as a reminder of why i need him to be my translator. fyi: making me feel stupid isn’t going to get you on my good side, Turk. jerk. (hey that rhymes. cool.)
  • after publicly ridiculing me as either crazy or funny (the nerve!), Mark Shea has gone ahead and filed a restraining order against me. (funny how you never mentioned that on your blog, Mark.) this seems unnecessary and rather uncharitable, at least to me, but what else would you expect from Mark Shea? i’ve heard he eats children.
  • i’ve become absolutely addicted to “downton abbey.” i just keep watching the episodes over and over again. i haven’t left the apartment in four days. seriously, i need help.

in case you’ve never seen “downton,” here are some clips of the dowager countess, whose verve and caustic wit makes me think she would have made a wonderful real catholic, if only she were, you know, actually real.

and here are some clips from series two.

zing and double zing!

until next time, faithful (and not so faithful) readers.

an invitation

Posted in mel gibson, real catholic with tags , , , , , , on May 7, 2012 by troll ii

dear the jerk,

“keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city – that ain’t legal either.”

you and i seem to be more alike than i first realized: as a certified REAL CATHOLIC™, i am perhaps the biggest fan of michael voris, and my attitude toward the jews has been known to make even Mel Gibson feel uncomfortable.

what’s that, you say? you want proof? well i’ll give you proof.

i have a michael voris tattoo on the back of my right calf, right overtop of where my old mother angelica tattoo used to be (back from my N.O. days, when i watched ewtn and thought i knew the truth–i’m still saving up to get my ink of “fr.” mitch pacwa and karl keating removed).

there were surprisingly few changes needed to turn the mother angelica tat into this awesome vorinator.

i like your style, the jerk, and i’m not afraid to say so. and i guess what i’m trying to say is, do you want to get matching tattoos?