Archive for sedevacantist

sedevacantist drinking game

Posted in mel gibson, real catholic with tags , , , , , , , , , on June 22, 2012 by troll ii

“c’mon, what’s the worst that could happen?”

i may have alluded, a little while back, to a certain sedevacantist drinking game that i invented with my former best friend Turk Sorensen (of “recipes for disaster” fame), and i’ve since received several requests to spell the whole thing out.

keep in mind, this was originally designed for sedevacantist trolling and other online discussions (comboxes, forums, email exchanges, twitter, etc.), so changes will most likely need to be made if you’re attempting to adapt it to different environs.

also, as a necessary disclaimer: i want to be clear that this game is in no way intended to encourage drunkenness, or, for that matter, a “good time” or fun of any kind. it is merely a creative attempt to help pass the time. so without further ado, here we go…

  • getting “called on” about needing to have more charity and not criticize others: take one drink
  • accusation of being a “sedevacantist,” as if this were some sort of epithet: take one drink
  • futile attempt to defend or “explain away” the novelties and heresies of vatican ii and subsequent antipopes: take one drink
  • use of argumentum ad populum (“1 billion catholics can’t be wrong”): take one drink
  • mustering of St. Robert Bellermine or any of the Pope Piuses for novus ordo purposes: take one drink
  • use of “church fathers” for novus ordo purposes: take one drink (bonus: if quote is taken from protestant translation, criticize and give the original language: take two drinks)
  • supposedly authoritative quotation of ratzinger/”pope” benedict xvi: take one drink
  • supposedly authoritative quotation of “former” protestants (e.g., Scott Hahn): take one drink (bonus: counter back with a choice quote from real converts like Gerry Matatics: take two drinks)
  • accusation of being crazy and/or anti-semitic: take one drink
  • mention of Mel Gibson: take two drinks (you know, one for you and one for Mel)
  • threat of physical violence: take one drink
  • threat of eternal hellfire: take one drink
  • comparison with protestants and/or liberal “cafeteria catholics”: take one drink
  • request for explanation/definition of “modernism”: finish drink
  • expression of doubt about evils of modernism or freemasonry: facepalm, finish drink
  • expression of horror about mass being called “sacrifice”: finish drink
  • denigration of fatima: finish drink
  • getting banned from forum/blog/etc.: finish two drinks and sign on under a different name
finally, per the recommendation of my attorney, Shep Klingerman, i am supposed to advise participants not to drive or operate heavy machinery afterwards.

“i only kept taking more drinks because they kept calling me an anti-semite, i swear.”

the bombshell

Posted in laughter, Murphy, pope michael, real catholic with tags , , , on May 28, 2012 by troll ii

ok, i’ve consulted with Murphy and my neighbor Lou Genovese, and they both agreed that news of this magnitude shouldn’t wait.

on saturday morning, i received an email supposedly sent by his holiness, pope michael i, in which he explained that the offer of the cardinalate i received a week or so ago was, wait for it, a JOKE. here’s what the email said:

Ad Troglodytarum II,
Hoc est vere inconvenientia. Quorum notitiam recevied delegavit cardinalatus non serio, sed ioco tamen. Nos et mater, Tickie, modo reversus a communione vinum gustu, ambo putabat esset ridiculam si tibi a cardinalatus ut a “merces” enim incremento in site negotiationis. (Gratias agimus tibi pro omnibus per viam). Lorem derisum jam ostendi vobis, postulat ut omnino mentionem apostoliciter cardinalatus nominationis a dui internets cum tota ratio facit nos oculos satis inepta.
Graviter,
Papa Michael I

since my good friend Turk Sorensen and i aren’t really speaking at the moment, i had to use google translate to determine what the message says, and it doesn’t look good. not only does it give me the bad news that i’m not really being made a cardinal, but also by all appearances it seems that pope michael and his mother, Tickie, have made themselves heretics through the playing of a joke.

those had better not be smiles…

i’m trying to figure out if either or both of these messages have actually come from his holiness. although the email address is the same, the ip addresses are different, so i’m hoping that this most recent email is just a ruse by an enemy of the true church to make us look foolish.

real catholics don’t laugh. it’s just that simple.

i don’t want to jump the gun here, but you may want to dust off your sedevacante tin foil party hats (and mantillas), just in case.

“ok, it says here ‘any time someone quotes st. robert bellermine, do a shot.'”

i’ll be posting updates as they become available.