Archive for vatican ii

when you’re alone, and life is making you lonely…

Posted in mel gibson, real catholic with tags , , , , , , , on January 9, 2013 by troll ii

…you can always go, er, “downton.”

yup, this has to be about the absolute worst time of year for me. and yet, even amidst the darkest clouds there has shone for me once again the radiant splendor of BBC’s masterpiece “downton abbey,” the third season of which began state-side just last sunday night.

of course, since the season has already aired in its entirety across the pond, i’ve been made all too well aware of the various twists and turns that the show will take (not only will Lady Sybil die in childbirth, but apparently Cousin Matthew will meet some sort of demise as well, since he’s not coming back for season four). *grumble, grumble.*

i know, i know, all you haters out there are going to say that the show is little more than fancily designed and rather well acted soap opera, with no real story or character development to speak of. a period dramady of manners, suited solely for the shallowly nostalgic and historically ignorant. and for women and effeminate men.

but you are wrong, wrong i say!

i mean, how can this show possibly be a soap opera, or just for women? they use british accents, for gosh sakes! british accents!!

“We Brits like our men manly. Oh, and they’ve gotta have faith faith faith.”

in a way, “downton” reminds me of my own passion for the real faith in the face of heresy: we’re presented with a rich and beautiful heritage from the past, as it actually was, before we were sold a bill of goods by modernism and modernity, before things were turned upside down through vulgarization. as you can see from every episode of “downton,” there were hardly any real problems in those days, before the cultural revolution, before vatican ii.

one could say, i suppose, that “downton” is to pre-war england what my preferred view of tradition is to pre-conciliar catholicism. oh, how i love them both.

if hollywood weren’t so hopelessly evil (and full of jews), i daresay i would love to see a period drama done on the church in her glory years, back when everything was in latin, and the men were men, and the women were modest and silent.

think of it!

seriously, can’t someone get Barbara Nicolosi and Mel Gibson to team up on this? Michael Voris could even co-star!!

“Tell Babs that I was never really serious about that Maccabees film, you know.”

what’s wrong with the world?

Posted in fake "catholics", jews with tags , , , , on August 30, 2012 by troll ii

right, so the country’s going to hell in a handbasket and all anybody can do is blame the politicians and the corporations and hollywood.

“There’s just so dang much to cry about, you know?”

how ’bout taking some responsibility yourself there, eh sport?

or at least blame the jews.

even better: BLAME VATICAN II.

seriously, i don’t remember ever needing PSAs like this one before the so-called “council.”

what is this country coming to? when will it end? and where are my cheetos?

sedevacantist drinking game

Posted in mel gibson, real catholic with tags , , , , , , , , , on June 22, 2012 by troll ii

“c’mon, what’s the worst that could happen?”

i may have alluded, a little while back, to a certain sedevacantist drinking game that i invented with my former best friend Turk Sorensen (of “recipes for disaster” fame), and i’ve since received several requests to spell the whole thing out.

keep in mind, this was originally designed for sedevacantist trolling and other online discussions (comboxes, forums, email exchanges, twitter, etc.), so changes will most likely need to be made if you’re attempting to adapt it to different environs.

also, as a necessary disclaimer: i want to be clear that this game is in no way intended to encourage drunkenness, or, for that matter, a “good time” or fun of any kind. it is merely a creative attempt to help pass the time. so without further ado, here we go…

  • getting “called on” about needing to have more charity and not criticize others: take one drink
  • accusation of being a “sedevacantist,” as if this were some sort of epithet: take one drink
  • futile attempt to defend or “explain away” the novelties and heresies of vatican ii and subsequent antipopes: take one drink
  • use of argumentum ad populum (“1 billion catholics can’t be wrong”): take one drink
  • mustering of St. Robert Bellermine or any of the Pope Piuses for novus ordo purposes: take one drink
  • use of “church fathers” for novus ordo purposes: take one drink (bonus: if quote is taken from protestant translation, criticize and give the original language: take two drinks)
  • supposedly authoritative quotation of ratzinger/”pope” benedict xvi: take one drink
  • supposedly authoritative quotation of “former” protestants (e.g., Scott Hahn): take one drink (bonus: counter back with a choice quote from real converts like Gerry Matatics: take two drinks)
  • accusation of being crazy and/or anti-semitic: take one drink
  • mention of Mel Gibson: take two drinks (you know, one for you and one for Mel)
  • threat of physical violence: take one drink
  • threat of eternal hellfire: take one drink
  • comparison with protestants and/or liberal “cafeteria catholics”: take one drink
  • request for explanation/definition of “modernism”: finish drink
  • expression of doubt about evils of modernism or freemasonry: facepalm, finish drink
  • expression of horror about mass being called “sacrifice”: finish drink
  • denigration of fatima: finish drink
  • getting banned from forum/blog/etc.: finish two drinks and sign on under a different name
finally, per the recommendation of my attorney, Shep Klingerman, i am supposed to advise participants not to drive or operate heavy machinery afterwards.

“i only kept taking more drinks because they kept calling me an anti-semite, i swear.”

mel gibson monday, take 2

Posted in mel gibson with tags , , , , , on June 18, 2012 by troll ii

ok, this time for real.

Murphy and i decided over the weekend that we need more structure in our lives, and a dedicated Mel Gibson movie night seems like a step in the right direction.

tonight we’re kicking things off with “conspiracy theory,” a fitting choice i’d say, given my own tendencies to see a vast conspiracy behind everything.

“a good conspiracy is unprovable. i mean, if you can prove it, it means they screwed up somewhere along the line.”

you tell ’em, Mel. i guess for me the seeds were planted early with chatter about the truth about JFK and the moon landing being faked, and eventually i got a whiff of what really happened at vatican ii, and the rest, as they say, is history.

anyhow, in the movie, Mel plays a taxi driver who’s always coming up with new, complicated scenarios of global government conspiracies, until one day his rants begin to attract the wrong sort of attention, because one of them turns out to be true. hijinks ensue. also starring alongside Mel is silly syncretist hindu Julia Roberts and and Captain Picard himself, Patrick Stewart.

“i’m only paranoid because they all want me dead.”

in case you’ve never seen it, here’s the trailer, curtesy of the good folks at the youtubes.

mmm mmm, butter the popcorn and cue the vcr, cuz it’s movie time, peoples.

save room for the “jew-jew” bees, Murphy

grannie cannarbean, 1917-2012

Posted in fake "catholics", real catholic with tags , , , , on June 8, 2012 by troll ii

i received a phone call early this a.m. from my sister, who wanted to let me know that my grannie cannarbean died late last night. she was ninety-four.

photo of gran at bob sungenis’s conference on heliocentrism, nov. 2010

i would ask for your prayers for her soul, except for two things:  first, i don’t know how many of you are real catholics (and i wouldn’t want to encourage more prayers to some novus ordo god), and second, she never gave up her heretical beliefs, so i can’t have any hope for her salvation anyhow.

don’t get me wrong. i loved gran dearly and i am heartbroken that i will never see her again. she and i were actually really close for a number of years, and i credit her with being among the first to convince me that the novus ordo church was wrong, after my “reversion” to amchurch in the late ’90s.

grannie ran in traddie circles for years, but she never seemed to get past being an sspx-er. she remained convinced that vatican ii was horribly wrong, but she couldn’t bring herself to acknowledge that the roman pontiffs were frauds, and that the n.o. mass was a complete joke. even back when we were both attending society masses together, we didn’t quite see eye to eye: she was more of a Fellay gal, whereas i was a hardcore Williamson guy.

gran always had a lot of hope for reunification of the society with shamchurch, especially because she hated how much the “schism” had damaged her relationships with her kids, including my mom. that was probably her chief weakness, along with her humility.

gran could be a pretty feisty gal, though, and i’ll always prefer to remember her holding her own in the debates we had, especially early on.

in her younger days, grannie loved using her .22 to shoot coons and scare away mormons and jehovah’s witnesses

i’ll miss you, gran.

a recipe for disaster

Posted in fake "catholics" with tags , , on May 23, 2012 by troll ii

my good friend Turk Sorensen called me yesterday to share an idea that my recent post had inspired: instead of posting recipes as a way to provide content without having to think, i could post “recipes for disaster” that would serve as parables for how decrepit the corpse of fake novus ordo “catholicism” has become.

i was initially worried that people might think i was joking (i.e., that i was trying to make them laugh), but Turk assured me that this would only make them think, and maybe realize what a bill of goods they’ve been sold.

so, without further ado, i give you my “recipe for disaster”: vatican ii lasagna.

(the basic idea is that we’re going to take a perfectly good recipe–scratch that, a perfect recipe–and change everything, just because. for this lasagna, our starting point is the five-star-rated “world’s best lasagna,” posted on allrecipes.com.)

World’s Best Vatican II Lasagna

Ingredients

hmm, let’s see if we can’t make this thing even better. some modernism and spam ought to do the trick!

  • 1 pound sweet Italian sausage frozen salmon filets
  • 3/4 pound lean ground beef spam
  • 1/2 cup minced onion garlic
  • 2 cloves garlic cigarettes, crushed
  • 1 (28 ounce) can crushed tomatoes peas
  • 2 (6 ounce) cans tomato paste cream of mushroom soup
  • 2 20 (6.5 ounce) cans canned tomato sauce
  • 1/2 cup water peach schnapps
  • 2 tablespoons white sugar flour
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons dried basil leaves apricots
  • 1/2 teaspoon fennel seeds lemon pepper
  • 1 teaspoon Italian seasoning nutmeg
  • 1 tablespoon salt brown sugar
  • 1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper vanilla extract
  • 4 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley garlic
  • 12 lasagna lots of random noodles, whatever kind you want
  • 16 ounces ricotta fat-free american cheese
  • 1 egg cup orange gatorade
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt soy sauce
  • 3/4 pound mozzarella cheese butter, sliced
  • 3/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese mushrooms

Directions

  1. In a Dutch oven, cook salmon, spam, garlic, and clove cigarettes over medium heat until well browned. Stir in peas, cream of mushroom soup, tomato sauce, and peach schnapps. Season with flour, apricots, lemon pepper, nutmeg, 1 tablespoon soy sauce, vanilla extract, and 2 tablespoons garlic. Simmer, covered, for about 1 1/2 hours, stirring occasionally.
  2. Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Cook random noodles in boiling water for 8 to 10 minutes. Drain noodles, and rinse with cold water. In a mixing bowl, combine fat-free american cheese with orange gatorade, remaining garlic, and 1/2 teaspoon soy sauce.
  3. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C).
  4. To assemble, spread 1 1/2 cups of “meat” sauce in the bottom of a 9×13 inch baking dish. Arrange half of the noodles over “meat” sauce. Spread with one half of the ameircan cheese mixture. Top with a third of butter slices. Spoon 1 1/2 cups “meat” sauce over butter, and sprinkle with 1/4 cup mushrooms. Repeat layers, and top with remaining butter and mushrooms. Cover with foil: to prevent sticking, either spray foil with cooking spray, or make sure the foil does not touch the mushrooms.
  5. Bake in preheated oven for 25 minutes. Remove foil, and bake an additional 25 minutes. Cool for 15 minutes before serving.

caution: vatican ii lasagna may produce similar amounts of nausea as reading “gaudium et spes,” “dignitatis humanae,” or “nostra aetate.”

of course, this recipe only gives you the steps for food preparation. if you’re going for the full vatican ii effect, you’ll need to add the following steps:

  1. make everyone in your household eat the new and improved lasagna, no matter how much they loved the traditional lasagna. shove it down their throats if need be.
  2. throw away all the recipes for the old lasagna.
  3. ostracize anyone whom you even suspect of harboring nostalgia for “backwards” lasagna. if they don’t immediately agree that the new lasagna is best and the old lasagna was the worst, kick them out of the house.
  4. embrace the spirit of the world, go to the assisi “interreligious” pray-in, and buy everyone condoms.

that last step may have violated the usual strictures of a parable, but you get the drift.